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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Luggage (08/15/05)

TITLE: The Still, Small Voice
By Deanna Sorrell
08/21/05


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"There you go love." The cabbie set the suitcase on the ground with a thud. "Next stop Bali. Now you be good over there. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Roaring with laughter, he winked broadly and wagged his finger, before jumping back into the taxi and screeching away.

Caitlyn breathed a prayer of thanks for her safe arrival at the airport as she watched the driver disappear into the endless stream of traffic. Then, as her heart rate returned to normal, she slung her duffle bag over her shoulder and reached for the suitcase, all the while mentally kicking herself for not buying luggage with wheels.

"Hey… seems like you could use a hand."

Surprised, Caitlyn looked up into a pair of the bluest eyes she had ever seen. There in front of her was an honest to goodness, blonde-haired, sun-bronzed surfie, with a smile that would melt board wax. Cait could feel her knees giving way under the warmth of that gaze.

"Wow, thank…" The words died on her lips as she heard a still, small voice speak to her soul.

No.

Caitlyn sighed, gritted her teeth, smiled and thought, Let's try that again.

"Thanks. That would be…"

Again the words trailed away as the gentle whisper called once more.

No.

Cait quickly debated the pros and cons in her head. Okay kiddo, you've got two choices. You can listen to what may or may not be the voice of God, and throw away what could be a once in a lifetime chance to live happily ever after, or you can ignore it and just go with the flow for a change. Hmm…tough decision.

Forcing a smile, Cait looked into the glorious sun-kissed face and finally said, "Thanks for the offer. I appreciate it, but I'll be fine."

For a moment, the sun disappeared and flecks of ice crept into the blue sky of her surfie's eyes. Then he shrugged and muttered, "Okay, see ya," before turning and walking away.

Idiot! Caitlyn grabbed her suitcase and headed for the check-in, ranting all the way. He was only offering to carry your suitcase, for goodness sake! It wasn't like he was asking you to live with him!

For the first time ever, Cait wished that she could take a vacation from being a Christian. She wanted to live a little and do things that other women her age enjoyed. She was a girl and she wanted to have fun.

The wait to check her baggage seemed eternal, giving the irritated young woman even more time to stew over her bad choice. If I'm going to imagine You talking to me every time I meet someone, then I may as well stay home.

Then, to push the knife even further into her obedient heart, Caitlyn noticed the man of her dreams standing in the adjacent line, laughing and talking to a living, breathing Barbie doll.

Great… just great!

Later, on board the long anticipated flight to Denpasar, Cait continued her endless reproach.

Of course, they would be going to Bali too, wouldn't they? she grumbled to herself, as "Barbie's" tinkling laugh floated down the aisle. It was all too much to bear.

Finally the flight was over and Cait jumped to be first off. Yet her hope of a quick escape came crashing down as the flight attendant stepped forward to ask everyone from her row back to remain seated until the rest of the plane was cleared.

It seemed like hours, but in reality only five minutes passed before Cait and the rest of her travelling companions were able to leave. Grabbing her duffle bag, she headed out into the humidity of a tropical paradise.

My vacation starts now, she decided as she collected the rest of her luggage and headed to Customs.

Nearing the front of the line, Cait heard a commotion coming from one of the checkpoints. A woman's voice was raised in distress, her suitcase open before her, as Officials brandished a bag of white powder and demanded an explanation.

"Barbie…" Caitlyn was shocked to recognize the young woman, now alone and crumbling at the sight of the potential death sentence in her luggage.

As Cait was bustled forward, she heard the girl cry, "It's not mine. I've never seen it before … oh please, you've got to believe me."

With careful English, the Customs Officer asked, "Did anyone else handle your bags?"

It was then Caitlyn wept…and the still, small voice whispered gently to her soul.


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This article has been read 908 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Crista Darr08/22/05
Excellent!
Karen Schravemade08/23/05
Wow, echoes of Schapelle Corby here... As an Australian, I found this piece to be both timely and telling. Well written!
Phyllis Inniss 08/26/05
Yes, it's good to listen to that "Still, Small Voice". Well written and very interesting.
Theresa Kissinger08/27/05
Very good, well written...good theme.
Beth Muehlhausen08/27/05
Felt the tension here, actually all the way through. Glad that still small voice was there for the final word.
Suzanne R08/28/05
Wow....

I loved the line, "For a moment, the sun disappeared and flecks of ice crept into the blue sky of her surfie's eyes."

And as another Australian, I identify closely with all the media attention on this very issue right now.

Praise God for the still, small voice that we experience from time to time!
janet rubin08/29/05
Wonderful! A great read. Congratulations.
Al Boyce08/29/05
Excellent blend of writing and message. Thanks!
Anthony Tophoney08/29/05
I knew that Surfie was no good but your style kept me reading. Congratulations on winning the challenge with your first entry to Faith Writers!
Shelley Snyder08/30/05
This was fantastic! I thought the surfer dude might be bad...but then I couldn't think in what way. I was hooked the entire time waiting to see why Cait was hearing the "No". Great job and congrats on the 1st place!
Dixie Phillips 08/30/05
I can't wait to read more & more & more & more of your stories. What a huge gift God has given you. May you continue to listen to that "STILL SMALL VOICE" as HE enlarges your territory! May you always keep the "SON" in your eyes!
Hope Horner08/30/05
Very well written and an extremely enjoyable read. An obvious winner! My only suggestion would be to change the last line. I think having her cry over this is a bit unrealistic...seems more like her heart would be racing or maybe shocked & thankful? And the line--"the still small voice whispered to her soul"--didn't seem to fit--I don't think this was a whisper--more like a wake up call! But that's all just my opinion...
Great writing, congrats & God bless.
Julianne Jones08/30/05
As another Australian I had a pretty good idea where this was heading, but it was still a surprise to see how you managed it. Well done! And congrats on your well-deserved win.
Dorothy Purge09/01/05
Deanna: I've read your
story twice and I do love it !
Ryan Done09/13/05
Great Job! I really don't know what else to say. The story was so compelling. I didn't expect the end at all.
Debbie OConnor05/06/06
Deb, that is SO GOOD. You told the story in a light, interesting, believable manner and ended with a bang. I loved the description of the surfer and Barbie. A well-deserved win, for sure!
Jean Bundas07/06/06
You kept me guessing till the end! Great job!