The Official Writing Challenge
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12/07/09
This was a beautiful story with a very relatable MC. I loved the relationship Sarah and her grandmother shared. The pacing in the beginning felt a little slow with the explanations of the grandmother's struggles, but overall, very excellent writing and characterization!
12/07/09
I think your characterization of both women is very good. You've used a lot of rich detail. Very nice work on this entry!
12/08/09
Melancholy and tender--well done!

Since much of it is written in the past, you use a lot of "had (verb)" constructions, which get bulky after a while (and use up words). A possible fix: Write the stuff that's happening NOW in simple past tense, and the memories in present tense (perhaps in italics).

Just something to play around with in future entries. This is a very good story!
Poignant story.
12/08/09
Soft and tender. I like the protrayal of the relationship. Very sweet.
12/08/09
Nothing I can say. Great writing. The story seemed realistic. And although tender and emotional, it was in no way over the top. Reading it I felt a little bad for all the things I sometimes tell my own daughter, usually when I'm angry at her for something. Words have an effect that sometimes last a lifetime. We must be so careful.
12/09/09
Powerful! Keep writing!
12/09/09
Very touching.God bless our Godly grandparents they have such an impact. Lovely piece.
12/09/09
I can SO relate to this, what a powerful piece. I feel for Sara and the brown sweater and everything it represents. Been there, survived that. Really, really great piece, I loved it. ^_^
Your tender story did a good job of staying on topic while introducing strong characters. I especially liked the part where she discovered the sweater.
12/11/09
Power packed with emotions, tender story.
12/15/09
This was so rich. I could feel the textures, the emotions, the struggles of Sara. This felt really authentic... and made me want to hug her! Nice job and way to place up there.
01/17/10
This story is very poignant, and tender. I was glad to see Sara's victory at the end of the piece. Well written.

Thanks by the way for your kind words about my poem.