The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
11/27/09
This is a lovely story of hope in God. The sunrises and sunsets made it more beautiful. When medicine and family members fail to understand, comfort or offer hope, there is God! I found myself wanting to know more of her medical condition, although it would not have necessarily made the story better. My favorite line was, "Charlene knew waiting on the Father to be the greatest expression of faith – and waiting from hope to hope, from orange sunrise to orange sunset..."
Very good!
11/28/09
The calming voice of this piece matches the inner-peace found by your MC. At first I thought it too slow, until I fell into the rhythm you set. Instead of making me feel her physical aches, you stabbed me with her inner anguish A blaze of hope came with the sunrise and a soothing peace with sunset. Fabulous use of the color orange.
This is so beautiful and sad. The descriptions are so vivid. I can feel the pain and sense the despair, as well as the hope.
Hope this one is a winner!
As someone who has dealt with chronic pain for years, I particularly loved this line: "The cycle recurred as daily orange sunrises and sunsets framed days and nights with hope, and she learned to trust God for the hours in-between." You nailed it with just those lovely words. Thank you, thank you!
12/03/09
You have added a real human being to the truth of Deuteronomy 33:25 "As they days, so thy strength shall be." Sensitively done.