I was packing my suitcases. My flight was the next morning. I wander on my empty flat and collected last clothes, books, the different trifles making me reminders about a few events in my life.
I was going to leave my town and my country. One company offered a job for me – well-paid and higher of level, except all, I dreamed to live in that country for a long time. It will be a chance, really. I didn’t know if I will return here anywhere. Last hectic month has ended and I got a break to breath free and to put in order my thoughts and feelings.
I picked up a toy – small lion. This thing was presented by my friend. I was ill and he visited me in hospital. He said “A lion will be looking after all will be well of you. My friend told me a month ago “It will be very difficult for you to leave all. You will miss for your family, for your friends. You will be hurt by your new job. You are able to do it well.” He didn’t believe in me. He was very angry with me.
My other friend put her hand around my shoulders and said “Be happy. I believe – you will do the right choice.”
I went to the bookcase. I took in my hand brochure from theatre. It was my favorite piece. I saw it last spring. Energy of action in scene was such strong that it seemed that it have upset. It was really and strong emotions.
Photo at the wall my Grandma. She died a few years ago. She was strong and kind woman, the war was started when she was sixteen years old. She was oldest kid in a family, her father went to army and she must help her mother to care of five brothers and sisters the youngest of them was born in the first day of war. She knew what a hunger was. She hadn’t an opportunity to graduate the university because she must work for earning money but both her daughters did it.
And I remember how much she loved all of your grandsons; we often visited her on summer when we were children. I will never have forgotten her kind eyes and caring hands.
My parents were shocked by my leaving. My Mum was silent and my Dad looked up into my eyes and asked: “We are worried about you. Are you sure what you will be happy there?”
I opened the chest of a table and pulled out a pile of letters. We loved each other some years ago. I was young and romantic, he was gently, smart and was afraid to become attached to someone. Then he went out to a brim of world and we have never seen each other.
I came to the window and opened it. Some minutes I was staying and watching to darkness. Then I put the toy-lion in the box together with unnecessary things. I was going to give to my neighbors. Take from the wall the photo of my grandmother and put it in my suitcase. The pile of letters I retuned to the chest of table. I put a brochure from the theatre there also.
I can take suitcases but more important for me to take something else. I take belief in myself and my happiness. I take the memory about my family. I take my feelings and experience. I don’t take the burden of events; witch left my life long time ago and which prevent me to go ahead.
I will be happy in a country of me dreams but never the air will be as fresh and moon as large as in the country of my childhood, my Motherland.
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