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“Chiquita! Wake up!”
“Aye aye aye! What is it, Nino?”
“I’m peeling! See my skin? Shavings are coming off! I think I’m dying or something! I came to you since bananas peel all the time. Do you have a remedy?”
“You have worse problems than peeling, Nino. Limes aren’t supposed to be round ya know.”
“Um, I’m not a lime Chiquita. I’m an orange. Hence my orange color and spherical shape.”
“Look at yourself. You are definitely verde, Nino.”
“EGADS! I AM GREEN! What happened? Why did I change colors?”
“I don’t know, but perhaps Senor Butter can help you. He’s sitting on the side door.”
“I don’t know what that slippery fellow would know, but it’s better than talking to that sour Mr. Grape. Thanks, Chiquita! Gotta roll!”
“Get better soon, Nino!”
***
“Is that Cheddar I see lookin’ at me? Cheddar makes everything better!”
“MR. BUTTER!”
“Flippin’ fruit cocktail! You scared the diglycerides outta’ me, kid! The name’s Mr. Margarine, and this better be important. I was getting ready to lay the mack on that cheese over there. She’s a cutie!”
“Margarine? I can’t believe…”
“I know. You can’t believe I’m not Butter. I get mistaken for him all the time. We both have that creamy yellow skin. Of course, I don’t melt in the sun like he does thanks to science. So what’s up?”
“I have a serious problem and need your advice.”
“I don’t know. Other than being loud, obnoxious, and unusually round for a lime, you seem perfectly fine to me. But if you want my advice, just be aware that I bill by the hour. I have to pay for all those commercials starring Fabio somehow.”
“That’s the problem! I’m not a lime. I’m an ORANGE! I am supposed to be the color orange!”
“What caused this problem?”
“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you!”
“Calm down, Limey. Let me think. Have you been bad lately? This is the holiday season, and sometimes Santa likes to give coal and such. Maybe he decided to turn you green, wave his staff or something like he does in the movies.”
“Are you talking about Santa or Gandalf the Wizard? The only bad thing I did this year was walk in on the Hidden Valley Ranch while she was dressing, but it was an accident. Besides, my roommate Apple is always being told what a “Bad Apple” he is, and he never changes color.”
“Yeah but he might be “bad” as in “good.”
“WHAT?”
“Kids nowadays have that new lingo where when they like something they call it horrible names. Like that pickle over there is “disgusting,” and what they really mean is that pickle is one cool cucumber.”
“I have no clue what you’re saying.”
“Neither do I. You should go talk to someone that is orange like Mrs. Carrot down in the bottom left drawer. She might have some tips.”
“Ok. Thanks for trying, Margarine.”
“I’ll bill you!”
***
“What do we have here? Who is this delectable, round, exotic piece of greenness? I have never seen a lime like you before!”
“That’s because I’m an orange, and I need your help, Mrs. Carrot. Rub up against me and give me some of your orange color.”
“WHY I NEVER!”
*Whack*
“Hey! What was that for?”
“I may be flirtatious, but I’m not easy! You’re like my male chauvinist ex-husband Dr. Pepper.”
“I’m sorry carrot, I didn’t mean…wait. Did you say doctor?”
“I caught him cheating on me with that Betty Crocker cake and I…”
“Sorry Mrs. Carrot! Rollin’ out!”
***
“You put the lime in the coconut and drink a bowl up and then call me next week if you aren’t feeling better. Ok, Mr. Ketchup?”
“HEY DOC!”
“Speaking of limes, why are you so round?”
“That’s the problem. I’m actually an orange! What can you do to cure me?”
“Well, there is a simple explanation for your condition.”
“What is it?”
“You lack carotenes. You must originate from a country where the temperature never cools down. That’s why you would remain green even after maturing because the cool temperature is what promotes the release of carotenes that give you your orange pigment. Go turn down the temp and call me in the morning.”
“Oh…
No, that can’t be it! Maybe I am actually a lime. Maybe I have some weird condition that causes me to balloon out. Could it be my thyroid? Don’t walk away, Doc! Get back here! HELP A DYING LIME!”
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