The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/09/09
This is a message that needs to be tackled and gotten out to kids. Using two names that both start with Br makes it difficult to keep track of who is which. It's better to use names that are not so close to each other. Good job tying the end with the beginning.
11/10/09
Whoa. Good job on descriptions and easy to believe dialogue. Sad story. Unfortunately this piece is so true as many young people end up like this and the loved ones are left hurting, because of decisions that were made. Thx for writing this. I agree with the previoius comment-nice tie in of the white tape,etc in beginning and end.
11/11/09
This is indeed too true of many teenagers today. A lot of the ways "white" was incorporated might have worked without actually using the word white over and over, but an excellent style nonetheless. Also, one sentence in the last paragraph changes tenses, which threw me out of the story some. Overall, creative take on the topic!