The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/05/09
Your contrasts are so vivid. Bill -- "his body had a lankiness to it that made you think the individual parts were held together with string." and eastern Montana (that required) -- "survival skills, a gun, muck boots, gloves, and a hat with flaps." Then I had to smile at, "this man can't possibly have been created in Your image." -- great characterization of your MC. Your white out descriptions were literally dazzling. The helplessness of your MC after the roof collapse was palpable.

Your creativity and inspiration are amazing in this wonderfully crafted entry.
My favorite line: “…I never mentioned his grown daughter, Adele, or that what I disdained in him, I loved in her.” Aside from the physical attraction, it reveals a part of each of us that is somehow willing to forgive some, but not all equally. It is interesting that your MC seemed to know this before the “incident” at the barn, but was never convicted of it until he became blind. Your piece illustrates that redemption has its price
“that there were some mistakes nothing could correct plagued me” How true and how humbled are we that we struggle so intensely with such non-existent chains of guilt.
Your characters are so real...so human...and your MC so in need of forgiveness... is this wonderfully creative story. I was holding my breath to see what would happen, and then the end blew me away. Outstanding writing!
11/07/09
Oh, wow. You have such a gift of placing the reader right into the middle of the story...into the heart of the MC. I had to read this twice to fully appreciate every sentence, every description. The ending totally took me by surprise.
11/09/09
This is very visual, and very real. Love, love, love the little epilog. Beautiful writing.
Not sure if I really understand what happened in this story. Did he need forgiveness for his attitude?
11/09/09
I like the discriptions in the beginning and i loved this line: this man can't possibly have been created in Your image. But I was a little lost towards the end, too. Maybe I'm just not as deep of thinker as everyone else.

Very engrossing tale. I couldn't stop reading. Snow blindness was a unique take on the topic; a very symbolic interpretation of white. This could be a much longer piece because there is a lot of back story I wonder about. Good job.
-Henry
I knew he was going to get the girl - figured that was the real reason Dad wanted to get him over there so much. But your ending delivered so much more than that! Wonderful!

I love how God uses the weak in this world to humble the arrogant and you showed this so very well.
You create vivid images with tightly written sentences throughout. Another great story that made me wish these pieces could be longer. So enjoyable to read and layered with meaningful messages. Love it.
Great hook at the beginning. You had me. I loved the ending, too, not to mention the middle. ;0)
11/11/09
you took my breath away with the descriptions and pulling me into your story. great, great writing.
11/11/09
You never fail to maze me with your writing. It's all the little extras. What a tale!
Splendid in every way.

mona
11/11/09
I love the story and I wish to have it go a few chapters more. The sense of conflict and the emotions are so well captured in the story, I can feel and visualize the goings-on and the surroundings of thick white. All of us certainly need to be humbled at times to appreciate God's gift of the people around us.
11/11/09
Oh wow, this is wonderful writing. I felt so sorry for this man at the end...and sorry for the lanky misplaced character who was Adele's dad. Such depth of meaning in this short story.