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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: White (10/29/09)

TITLE: Beyond the Veil


Nothing appeared real. I embraced the moment and took in the scene before me. Was this the beginning, or the end? It didn’t seem to matter. I felt at peace.

I was surrounded in a mysterious whiteness. There was a curious sensation of weightlessness like drifting on a summer cloud. I heard singing. I heard music, and beyond the sheer white veil before me, hands stretched out to me.

“Come,” a voice called.

I reached out and separated the white from white. “Who are you?” I whispered.

“Come,” the voice called again. It was a gentle voice, yet powerful and alluring.

I drifted through the mist and looked around. The image lingered. “Lord?”

Again I heard His voice. “Come.” This time the image approached; hands still outstretched. Our fingers touched.

“Come, my child. I love you, and I have plans for you.”

“Lord, show me your will for me. I’m lost without you. I’m lost in my confusion. Show me what I need to do. Tell me how to cope. I need you, Lord.”

“Take my hand and trust me. Your heart is troubled, my child. Why do you doubt? Your confusion will melt away; just like this vision. Only trust and obey. Go back. I have made you for a purpose, and this has not yet been fulfilled.”

In an instant the white veil appeared before me again. We had turned full circle. The white on white image of my Lord blended slowly into the mist. “I will trust you,” I whispered into the air. The veil parted. I stepped out and drifted away.

My eyes were heavy and the sound of muffled voices invaded the peace. Something forced my left eye open and a bright light flashed.

“Sally. Sally. Can you hear me?” The voice became clearer. “I’m Doctor Sherman. Can you squeeze my hand?”

I squeezed his hand.

“Good girl. You scared us there for a while,” the doctor responded.

“Where am I?” I asked. “What happened?”

I squinted at the torch light in my right eye.

A nurse checked my pulse. You’re in hospital. “It’s been a long night. We thought we had lost you. Where have you been?”

Where have I been indeed, I thought. But instead I asked, “How did I get here?”

Doctor Sherman sat on the side of the bed. “You collapsed in your garden. Your daughter found you. She wasn’t sure how long you had been unconscious. She called 911, and here you are. It was a minor heart attack but tests have showed little damage. We don’t believe it was serious. We’ll run some more tests today and get a Cardiologist to visit you when we have the final results. You should be right to go home tomorrow if everything is okay.”

I stared at the doctor and then at the nurse. I wasn’t even sure how long I was staring. “Can I see my daughter, please?” I finally asked.

A few moments later Sheena, my precious only daughter, stood beside the bed holding my hand. “You scared me half to death, Mom.”

“I’m sorry, Sheena, and I’m sorry I haven’t been the kind of mother I should be. I…”

“It’s not you that needs to apologize, Mom. You were right. John is bad news. Our relationship was wrong. Can I come home, please? I need you to help me get back on track. I…I...” Sheena lowered her head and sobbed.

“Sheena, I love you and always will. I think we have some work to do on our relationship, and I have a feeling we won’t be doing it on our own.”

Sheena looked into my eyes. Tears ran down her face and tilted her head. “Who?”

Tears stung my eyes. “Let’s talk about it when we get home. In the mean time, I need some sleep. Please stay. I’d like to have you here after my tests.” Holding Sheena’s hand in mine, I closed my eyes to seek a glimpse of white on white beyond the veil. Thank you, Lord.

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This article has been read 623 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lyn Churchyard11/06/09
The Lord meets us in our need, no matter where that might be, or needs to be. Good story and right on topic - well done.
Carol Penhorwood 11/07/09
Well done indeed! The Lord always knows how to bring something good out of something bad. Always!
Patricia Turner11/08/09
I enjoyed the way this unfolded and agree its right on topic.
Virgil Youngblood 11/09/09
Good writing. I'll bet your MC makes the most of "another chance". God is good.
Jan Ackerson 11/11/09
I love the way you handled the dialogue in this story.

Critique: The scenario (near death experience; reconciliation with family) is somewhat familiar and predictable; I'd hoped for a twist of some sort.

I really liked your last sentence; what a wonderful final image to leave with your readers!
Beth LaBuff 11/11/09
You took me to another world with your beginning. (and I loved seeing that glimpse of "the other side"). I like your use of "veil" in this and what it signifies.
Edmond Ng 11/11/09
A lovely story and a very good read. I like your use of a gentle voice, yet powerful and alluring. You have captured the sense of awe, yet at peace in the presence of the Lord. Sometimes, we certainly need to take a closer glimpse of what is to come in order to appreciate the present. We certainly need God as the Head of the family while we are here on earth!
Ruth Brown11/12/09
Good descriptions, good progression and tone.Awesome message. Well done!