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When I was a child, I always wanted to be white.
I wanted people to look at me and see white
Instead, my skin was a strange shade of coffee-meets-cappuccino-meets-treacle-meets-caramel. This was wrong, why was I not white? I wanted white skin. I wanted to have long blonde silky hair. I didn’t want the endless fights with the comb, biting my lip in pain as my mother put my coarse, curly hair into tight plaits.
I worshipped white
I wanted skin which burnt in the sun. I saw my school friends peeling painfully and picking at their blisters...and I was overcome with jealousy. I also wanted to burn, peel and pick. Instead I would run in the sun all day like them, then go home in no pain and wake up in no pain. That, was pain.
I wanted white friends
I looked at the little black girls and I looked at the little white girls. If I couldn’t be white, should I maybe try to play with the white girls? Would they let me?
I wanted white grandparents
I looked at my Nana and my Grandpa. They loved me and I loved them. But perhaps if God could make them white...I might love them even more? And if I was white wouldn’t they love me more?
White, to me, was victory
They looked better, talked better, were better. White was everything I needed to be. White was victory.
Then I opened my Bible story book.
God loved me? That made me feel better. It didn’t say He only loved white people.
Jesus died for me? I felt better still.
Then I was born again. And I became white.
Now people look at me, and see white
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool (Isaiah 1:18)
I worshipped white
"As I looked, "thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took his seat. His clothing was as white as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. (Daniel 7:9)
I wanted white friends
They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them (Acts 1:10)
I wanted white grandparents
Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. (Revelation 4:4)
White, to me, was victory
And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb (Revelation 7:15)
Thank you precious Lord, for making me white.
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