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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: White (10/29/09)

TITLE: EVELYN'S SOUL
By mick dawson
10/29/09


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“Am I in Heaven… or am I in Hell,” Evelyn’s voice quaked. “There is no Purgatory,” she said aloud as a statement of fact, but at the same time trying to reassure herself.

“Indeed there isn’t,” said a voice coolly.

A knight, ten feet tall and clad in full armor, leapt onto the plateau in front of her. It removed its helmet, revealing a head similar to that of a gorilla, but with blackened orbs for eyes and oversized fangs jutting from its mouth. For a moment, it stared down at Evelyn mournfully, before tilting its head with a warm smile beginning to curl its lips.

“You have nothing to fear from me,” he said with a voice reminding her of a gently rippling stream.

“No, I won’t listen to you; you’re a demon, a liar!”

“I bring you no lies, Evelyn, only revelation,” he said brushing his curved nails over the surface of his shield.

White light flared from the shield before slowly abating, becoming the white walls of an operating theater. A girl in white robe lay on a table as a crowd of green smocked people swirled around her. As one of them shifted, she saw her own face with a tube going from her mouth.

“I see you remember,” said the demon softly.

“Am I dead?”

“No, but close. You are here because of your doubts.”

Evelyn paled, could this creature read minds. She had given her life to Christ nine years ago, but still feared for her life. Her sins had been no fewer. She had asked Jesus to forgive her so many times for the same things she did wrong that she wondered if she had fooled herself into believing she was a Christian.

A rumbling sigh came from the demon.

“I have seen so many of you before, Evelyn. I know your pain; you live in fear everyday and now you dread the end of your days, but at the same time, you wish it was all over.”

“Yes,” she whispered resignedly.

The demon held at the morning star, allowing it to dangle in front of her eyes.

“I can end your suffering, Evelyn. Say to me that you renounce Jesus as your Lord… your Savor… and it will all be over.”

With tear filled eyes, she opened her mouth to say the words, but they refused to come, even after several attempts.

Brilliant white light flared behind the demon, making it turn to take in a handsome man almost half its size. He strolled forth to meet the demon, in his billowing white robes, flapping around a scabbarded sword on his hip.

“He sent you; a minor angel,” asked the demon incredulously. “You are the least of the Heavenly host.”

“But empowered by God,” the angel said.

The demon swung the morning star. In a resounding clang of metal, the morning star spun over the edge of the plateau.

Evelyn watched in awe, knowing that the sword had to have been drawn, but saw it housed in its scabbard, as the angel stared at the demon unperturbed. The great fist of the demon rose and fell above the angel’s head.

The hand of the angel, snapped up with blinding speed, yet held the black wrist casually above his head. The angel’s other hand took hold of the armor clad giant and lifted it above his head, flinging the demon over the edge.

“Thankyou,” Evelyn wept.

“There is nothing to thank me for,” he assured her. “He could not take your soul; it wasn’t yours to give. That is why you couldn’t speak the words. My Lord has already promised you that no power in Heaven or Earth could separate you from His love.”

“But what if I…”

“Not even you can do it,” he said in answer to her unasked question.

His hand curled around the pommel of his sword, pulling it free of the scabbard. Evelyn watched the blade, slowly glow, becoming white as if newly forged. Without warning, the blade swung for her. She screamed as it made contact, dazzling her with its flash. The scream died in her throat as the flash became the inside of the operating theater.

“That’s it, fight,” yelled a surgical masked face above her. “I thought we’d lost you. Someone up there must like you,” the doctor said, pointing up.

Evelyn panted, feeling a cool sponge mopping over her brow.

“He more than likes me,” she smiled weakly. “There’s no doubt about that.”


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This article has been read 472 times
Member Comments
Member Date
BeckyJoie Oakes11/05/09
Very interesting story.
Sherrie Coronas11/05/09

Bittersweet....but with a most satisfying ending for the soul. This line struck me:

She had asked Jesus to forgive her so many times for the same things she did wrong that she wondered if she had fooled herself into believing she was a Christian.

So tragic (but true) that we sometimes feel that way. Great job!
Patricia Turner11/09/09
A good allegory. It reminded me a little of the David and Goliath story. You had one or two small spelling errors but nothing to take away from this powerful story.
Ruth Brown 11/09/09
Exciting well thought out story. I saw an error or two, but most likely you caught them by now.I liked the story keep that imagination going. Bleesings to you.
Jan Ackerson 11/09/09
Very intense!
Lenda Blackmon11/09/09
Awesome story, kept me on the edge of my seat.
Barbara Lynn Culler11/09/09
This is a scary story and I believe could really happen!
Lyn Churchyard11/11/09
Good stuff. I always enjoy your writing, even though this one is the stuff of nightmares.
c clemons11/12/09
Pretty awesome, good job.
Lisa Johnson 11/12/09
Congratulations on your third place win... I sat on the edge of my seat reading this... well done.
Beth LaBuff 11/12/09
Wow, so skillfully written, Mick! What a story! Congrats on your 3rd place ribbon!
mick dawson11/12/09
Thankyou to everyone for your support and comments and to the judges for the third place award.

Mick Dawson
Noel Mitaxa 12/04/09
Thank you for this glimpse into 1 Corinthians 13:12, about one day knowing as we are now known. Very powerful.