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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Black (10/15/09)

TITLE: You Heard It from a Fourth Grader
By Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse
10/21/09


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A symphony of sounds—running footsteps, slamming lockers, shrieks, giggles, and the sharp reprimands of Mrs. Cane, the teacher on duty—alerted Mrs. Andrews to the fact that her fourth graders were finished with recess. One by one, sweating, skinny, squirming bodies converged on the classroom with a noise level created only by hyper children. It was going to be a long afternoon.

“Okay, class—take your seats.” Mrs. Andrews moved to the front, ready to corral stragglers. “Charlie, that means you. In your seat. No, you can’t let the class guinea pig out. Sit. Kaylee, what are you doing? Did I ask you to erase the chalkboard?”

“No.”

“No, I didn't. Seat, please.” Resisting the urge to rub her forehead, Mrs. Andrews, instead, sequestered the sigh that punched at her lungs and put on her smiling face.

“Alright, who can tell me what we’ve been talking about in science?”

As usual, Amy’s hand was the first in the air.

“Space!” Max blurted out.

“Right. What kind of things in space?”

Amy’s hand wiggled.

“Amy?”

“Stars.”

“Very good. And what are stars made of?”

“Gas!”

A twitter of laughter rippled across the room, and Max pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

“Not that kind of gas, Max, but thank you for paying attention. Next time raise your hand. Today we’re going to be talking about something new. Instead of telling you, I want to see if you can guess what it is. I’ll give you a clue, and then you have to ask questions to find out what it is. Got it?”

A few heads bobbed, some noses were picked, a pencil was dropped, a few kids in the back row tried to stifle the giggles that had been ongoing since Max’s mention of “gas,” and Amy’s prim voice piped up, “Got it!”

Mrs. Andrews shook her head. “Okay, here’s your clue. It’s similar to a vacuum cleaner because it sucks things in.”

Jimmy, one of the gigglers, stopped giggling. “There are vacuum cleaners in outer space?”

“Duh. Alien kids have moms too, ya know.”

The giggling got louder.

“No, Jimmy. I said it’s LIKE a vacuum, meaning that objects get sucked into it. And, Max, one more word without a raised hand and you’re writing spelling words.”

Max frowned.

Jimmy raised his hand again. “So if stuff gets sucked in, what about people?”

“Well, there aren’t really people in space, but, yes, I suppose so. If you were in a spaceship and you got too close to this ‘mystery word’ you’d get sucked in, as well.”

“So you better stay away from it, huh?”

“If you’re traveling through space, yes.”

“Could it suck in the earth?” Charlie wanted to know.

“No. You see, this ‘mystery word’ has what is called a ‘horizon,’ or a border. You have to cross the border in order to be sucked in.”

Max’s hand shot toward the ceiling. “What does it look like?” Then, after seeing her glare, he objected. “I raised my hand! Didn’t I raise my hand! You saw me!”

To her future detriment, she assumed, Mrs. Andrews chose to ignore the issue. “I suppose you’d call it black, but in fact, you can’t really see it.”

“If we can’t see it, how do we know it exists?”

“Because you can see the objects being sucked in.”

“What if you accidentally get sucked in?” Jimmy wanted to know. “Can you get out?”

“Nope. Once you’re in, you’re stuck. Not even light can escape.”

“I bet God could get stuff out,” Amy corrected. “God can do anything.”

“Well, yes.” Mrs. Andrews hesitated, knowing she wasn’t allowed to dwell on the subject at a public school but not wanting to let it slip away. “God CAN do anything, Amy. So I guess I should say, only God could pull something out of it. Alright.” She clapped her hands together. “Let’s review.” She held up a finger. “It sucks things in”—a second finger—“you can avoid it if you stay away from it”—third—“you can’t see it, but you can see objects falling into it, and without God’s help, nothing can escape. Any guesses?”

Danny, a nose picker, blew a snot bubble.

Mrs. Andrews sighed. "Danny, get a Kleenex. You know better than that. Come on, guys, pay attention. Any guesses?”

Quietly, in the back row, shy little Rachel raised her hand. “I know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s sin.”


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This article has been read 759 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Robyn Burke10/22/09
Ooooh, awesome!!! Really really awesome!
Great descriptions... you pegged those 4th graders perfectly right down to the snot bubble! :)
All around a great story.
c clemons10/24/09
Good job, one sentence though I had trouble following, "much to her detritment she assumed..."I didn't get that.
Joy Faire Stewart10/26/09
Oh, I could visualize the students and feel the teacher's patience. Perfect ending, too. Loved it!
Jan Ackerson 10/26/09
Oh, excellent! You "got" me with that last word!
Aaron Morrow10/27/09
Absolutely brilliant writing. You nailed this one and provided a great payoff for the reader. Definitely my favorite so far. Great job!
Leah Nichols 10/29/09
That's awesome!

Nicely done! Congrats on your placement!
Myrna Noyes10/29/09
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 1st PLACE IN ADVANCED AND ON YOUR E.C. for this funny and engaging story. The classroom scene is superbly done, and that last line has such impact! Wonderful writing!! :D
Margaret Kearley 10/29/09
Wow! 'Out of the mouths of babes...'! Brilliant writing. Well done on your well deserved win.
Beth LaBuff 10/29/09
Wow... your ending gave me chills... Love this! Congrats on your level placing AND Editor's Choice!!
Carol Slider 10/29/09
A fun story, with a great twist at the very end. Congratulations!!
Patricia Turner10/29/09
Yep, they're 4th graders all right. What a great job of letting them show that to us themselves. I love, love, love your ending. Congratulations!
Rachel Phelps10/29/09
Great job! I love the descriptions of the kids! Congratulations on your EC!
Chris Janzen10/29/09
Fantastic story! Funny and sweet, with a powerful ending. LOVED it! A well-deserved first place win...Congratulations!!
Alicia Calhoun10/29/09
Congrats! I really enjoyed your story.
Graham Starling10/30/09
A very nice, very believable classroom scene. the "To her future detriment" comment was a bit obscure but I understood what you were getting at. The Maxes of this world need to have boundaries clearly and constantly drawn otherwise they'll cross them every chance they get. One comment about Charlie's question. It would be able to suck in the Earth if the two got close enough. The event horizon is not so much a border as a point of no return for anything on the inside of it. It's the distance from the black hole below which the escape velocity exceeds the speed of light. Anything can go in, nothing except Hawking radiation can come out (unless it get a hand from God). Having said all that, the teacher's response was appropriate for a class of fourth graders.
Jason Elliotson10/30/09
Hey, great story! Well thought through. What an ending!
Verna Mull 11/10/09
Great JOB! Could feel for the teacher! Congratulations!