The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/22/09
I have heard this joke before and it always made me laugh. Made a good illustration for your real point of the story.
It felt a bit rushed at the end. Maybe condensing the joke so the message at the end can be fleshed out more?
10/26/09
You pulled in a lot of black references to make your point.

I agree with the previous commenter--almost half of your story was a pretty familiar joke. I'd have loved more original material so that your could more fully develop your point.

Excellent job of finding various ways to illustrate one very good point.