The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/26/09
Very vivid!

Not being very familiar with this type of fiction, I found myself confused most of the time. Would have liked some indication as to setting (time and place). And you wanted "Abel", not "Able" at the end.

You did a great job of plunking your reader right into the action, and at conveying the horrors of battle.
10/26/09
You took me back to a time as a medivac team member, I choose to not return to, but you captured the action of the pilots very well. BTW, separate your paragraphs for easier reading.
10/26/09
very accurate. well paced. great imagery. i loved the internal dialogue. nice job.
10/27/09
Extremely compelling. You did a great job of dropping me into the action. While I would have liked to see more spacing, the frenetic pace actually blended well with the formatting for me. Nice work!