The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/22/09
Terrific! Very thought provoking. We could be closer to this than we realize.
Clever. It started out like a Micky Spillane novel with mystery, and curt writing. I liked the unexpected twist.
10/24/09
i agree. that was a nice twist. you kept the phrasing tight and very "street-like." good job.
10/26/09
Great job with the twist! I really didn't expect that.

The pacing of the last paragraph was a bit of a fizzle for me, though--one paragraph of "telling" in a story that had been all "showing".

Superb at capturing the black mood.
10/26/09
Nice work bringing in the unexpected. Nice job in making me feel the "black mood."
10/28/09
This was interesting. Very shady and dangerous.
10/28/09
Wow...surprising twist at the end! Well done!
10/28/09
Really enjoyed reading this and found myself giving thanks for the Bibles in my home, and the freedom to read them. The surprise ending was fantastic.