Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Blue (10/08/09)

TITLE: Around the Mall in Eighty Minutes
By Francy Judge


A pleasant day at the mall…or not. It wasn’t my fault, but I’ll be fair and let my dad tell his side of the story. After me.

Five years ago, on a rainy November afternoon, Dad took me to the Smithaven mall for a new coat. A thirteen year old girl has to look cool, especially if she wants to meet boys at the Poconos. I told my dad, “Just a blue ski jacket, nothing fancy, and definitely not pink or flowered.” Periwinkle Blue would be nice to match my eyes, just like the jacket on page 32 in my Seventeen Magazine. That was my plan: hunt for periwinkle and the cute guy on page 33.

“Wait a minute…I have to interrupt. You left out some important facts already.”

“Hey, it’s my turn. Oh alright…what?”

“That coat was an early Christmas present, and your mom and I were very generous.”

“Yah…I’ll give you that one. You were generous, just not patient.”

“And what’s this about “boy hunting?”

“Just kidding.” Anyway, I was careful to browse through only the best shops in the mall; why waste time in stores selling nerd attire? Sounds snobbish, but don’t forget, I was trying to be cool. In each store, I scanned the racks for the right blue. If pink dominated the girl section, I left. Sometimes I was distracted by wafts of McDonald’s French fries drifting by or heavy perfume; some stores spray enough perfume to fumigate the shop of all browsers.

Our day was fine until Dad decided to help me. He could have tagged along and been a silent, supporting presence. But, noooo…he had to help. Every millisecond, he pulled out another hideous coat: 1st grade plaid; grandma floral; purple checkerboard. Who could concentrate under those conditions? Dad didn’t understand that female shoppers need time and space.

After he pulled out the thousandth ugly coat, I turned and said, in my sweetest voice: “I know you’re trying to help, but I need to shop solo. Why don’t you wait over there, and I’ll come out when I’m ready.”

Suddenly, Dad clenched his teeth and grabbed my throat. Nearly killed me. I think he stopped himself because he works for Child Protective Services, and he could lose his job if he was accused of murdering his sweet daughter. That’s the truth.

“Okay, it’s my turn.”

Four years ago on a snowy December morning, I told Jenny we could go to the mall for one hour. One hour. We had to be back in time to drive her sister to baton twirling lessons. One hour was more than enough time. Or so I thought.

“Wait a second. You said we would go for at least one hour. I only took eighty minutes.”

“Two hours. Seemed like two days. Don’t roll your eyes.”

In the first store, I watched Jenny weave around the racks of coats as if she was taking in a bird’s eye view. She only held up one white coat with blue stripes on the arms to get a better look. Then she said, “These stink…let’s go.”

She couldn’t be like this in the next store. I was wrong. She gave a repeat performance. Barely glanced at anything. Maybe she needs some help. I pulled out a few nice-looking coats. She grunted and said, “Yuck.” So I kept hunting.

She did choose three “maybe” coats to have the sales lady hold while she shopped. It was progress even if the coats were at opposite ends of the mall. But my legs were tired from walking this marathon. I prayed Jenny would choose something; even lizard skin would look nice at this point.

After two hours of shopping, Jenny and I had circled to the first store we went in. She held up the very first coat she saw when we started. “Maybe this one. I just want to take another look at that coat in Macys.” Macys was at the other end.

That’s when I lost it. “You got me so angry, I almost clutched your throat. Shocked us both, I think.” For that second, I became the parents I send to jail. “Come here, Jen. I’m sorry for wanting to choke you.”

“And I’m sorry for driving you crazy. I love you…we just can’t shop together.”

We stare at the picture of our family at the Poconos and laugh.

“Did you think I looked like a marshmallow with blue frosting?”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 453 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anita van der Elst10/17/09
I really liked the format of this story, it's creative & different. I could see the MCs reminiscing together, telling the story in "he said, she said" style, as father & daughter.

Nice job.
Catrina Bradley 10/24/09
Very creative format! I was captivated by the dialog and the narration, and couldn't to hear Dad's side. Good job on this entry!