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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Blue (10/08/09)

TITLE: Blue Eyed Princess
By Bryan Coomes
10/14/09


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The chirping and chattering continues to ebb and flow all around me as I scan the crowded room comprised of a sea of faces, most that I don’t recognize. I begin to walk.

************************************************************************

Her pale blue eyes glistened, the trickle of tears trailing down her round, rosy cheeks. Scooping her into my arms then snuggling her to my chest, I pressed a soft kiss on top of her head while slowly rocking back and forth.

“There, there honey. It’s just a scratch,” I said, stroking her golden locks.

“But it hurts Daddy. Its bleeeeeding,” she replied, staring intently at the scrape on her knee. Her tiny chin began quivering, accompanied by the sniffling sound of her dainty nose.

Pulling a tissue from my shirt pocket, I dabbed the droplets of blood that had seeped to the surface. Each dab induced a quiet “ow” which continued as she inspected her injury after the cleaning concluded.

Gently taking the curl of my index finger under her chin and slowly raising her head, our eyes met as I endeavored to flash a reassuring smile. “Its gonna be alright honey. I promise.”

After a brief moment she asked, “But, how do you know Daddy?” Her eyes were wide and fixed on mine.

“I just do. Trust me.”

After exchanging a smile and a hug, she hopped up off my lap and hopped back onto her bicycle and began peddling back up the driveway.

************************************************************************

The expectant hush hangs heavily within the room. The pipe organ pierces the silence, blaring a familiar tune that seems discordant. A man in black stands at the front of the room, flanked on one side by a group of men also dressed in black. I begin to walk.

************************************************************************

Her pale blue eyes were shot wide as she screamed “Noooooooooo!” Bursting in her room, throwing on the lights and rushing to her side, I reached out my hands while repeatedly saying “Abby.” Breathing in grunts with vacant eyes that looked right through me, she pressed herself against the wall.

“It’s ok honey. Daddy’s here. Daddy’s here.”

She let out another blood-curdling scream and began flailing her arms to ward off my embrace. Briefly struggling, I finally managed to grasp her. Bringing her firmly against my chest, I began softly rubbing her cheek until her screams slowly began to subside.

Hearing her breathing calm down and deepen, I eased my grip on her to then lightly lay her head in my hand. Her hair was straggled with sweat and her face was drawn and pale. I carefully brushed back her bangs which caused her eyelids to slightly open.

“Did it happen again Dad?” she rasped.

Exhaling, I then replied, “It did my sweet. But you don’t worry about that now. Just go back to sleep and everything’s gonna be alright.”

“But, how do you know?” she asked while yawning.

Placing her head on her pillow and tucking her covers around her, I whispered, “I just do. Trust me.”

Tiptoeing to the door and turning out the lights, I could hear the faintest sound of a snore.

************************************************************************

Arriving in front of the man in black I hear him speak some unintelligible words to which I instinctively respond. I then turn and begin to walk.

************************************************************************

Her pale blue eyes were wide and glistening as her slender cheeks were marred by mascara trails. Rushing to me, she fell into my chest as I wrapped my arms around her before the sobbing floodgates flung open.

“I am so sorry my sweet,” I said, fighting back the tears. “We will get through this together.”

“I miss Mom so much. Why did she have to die?”

Holding her close I answered, “Because God wanted her to come home. And she is now in a far better place where there is no more pain and no more tears.”

Pulling her head back, she peered up at me. “How do you know?”

“I just do. Trust me.”

************************************************************************

My pretty princess is glowing in her pristine white gown as her pale blue eyes are locked on her Prince Charming. Her wedding day is over and she is preparing to leave.

“Daddy, please don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

“But honey, how do you know?”

Her eyes twinkle as she replies, “I just do. Trust me.”

Watching her walk with her husband toward the limousine that will take her away, I feel the first tear come. All I can muster is a whisper.

“I do.”


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This article has been read 319 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Cherry Bieber10/16/09
This is a beautiful story and beautifully written! I really appreciate the smooth manner in which you move from one scene to the other!
Mona Purvis10/21/09
It takes good writing and an interesting story to keep the reader involved when scenes shift back and forth as in this entry. You did it very well. It really worked to make your story more on edge. Just beautiful.

Mona
Kate Oliver Webb10/21/09
I agree with Mona - the way you changed scenes helped to heighten the intrigue. The story also ended nicely, and believably. Good job!
Sarah Elisabeth 10/21/09
"Holding her close I answered, “Because God wanted her to come home. And she is now in a far better place where there is no more pain and no more tears.”

Pulling her head back, she peered up at me. “How do you know?”

“I just do. Trust me.”

One of the most powerful parts for me in this beautiful piece! Gave me goose bumps :-)
Your tempo was great, the suspense incredible! Great job!
Jan Ackerson 10/21/09
Cute daddy/daughter story.

I suspect that the present day scenes were supposed to mislead us, maybe into thinking it's a funeral? That didn't really work for me...I just felt as if I was being fooled, and so I "figured it out" right away.

Love the echoed lines from the little girl's childhood to the present day--that was a very tender touch.
Shilo Goodson10/21/09
This was a good story. I liked how the daughter reassured her dad with the words that he used to use as reassurance.
Benjamin Graber10/22/09
Oh, I like the way you threaded this together! Sweet story...