The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/08/09
Heartbreaking, but perfect use of the color word for the week, and I like the hope at the end.
Very moving! I was hooked right at the beginning. Such a sad story....
10/11/09
Not fiction! This happens all too often. Sad. You represented the truth very well. Liked the ending.
10/14/09
This was a well-written story, but there are a few places where there were mistakes that proofreading may have caught. For example, the mother is talking, and she says something about "her sister." I think you meant "your sister" instead. I think you have one or two other simple mistakes like that, but it was still a good story.
10/16/09
I agree with Shilo, there were a few small grammatical bobbles, that one more read-through probably would have caught. That being said, the story itself was excellent. It held my attention. It pulled at my heart-strings. Then it left me full of hope for your MC. You did a very good job telling this very heart-wrenching story.