Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Red (10/01/09)
TITLE: The Red Haze
By Pamela Kliewer
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I blink several times.
It doesn’t work.
I got so angry this time that now I can’t get rid of the it?
I don’t really remember when this problem started; I know it’s been going on for years.
This is the longest the haze has ever stayed – over forty-five minutes now. It’s usually gone in one to fifteen.
Everything I see is filtered through this weird light.
Maybe if I hang my head between my knees…
Sitting on the bed, I do just that.
I leave it there for a few minutes, then slowly raise my body.
I’m panicking now. Why won’t this go away?
You’re still angry.
Who said that?
Valerie, how long has it been since you’ve talked to me?
I figure if I just go about my day and ignore Him, He’ll leave me alone.
I finish getting ready to leave for my volunteer position at the hospital - that’s what I was doing when the red haze started.
Hmmm, what was it that made me angry?
I’m kind of embarrassed about this.
I was zipping up my dress and I couldn’t get the zipper pulled up all the way.
I went into an absolute rage.
It wasn’t pretty.
I’m glad everyone else was out the door already.
I - uh - well -
I started screaming and jerking around, yanking on that zipper...
I yanked it down, then back up.
It wouldn’t get past a certain point.
Then, I went berserk.
Flailing my arms every which way.
I’m sure I was quite a sight.
I pushed the dress off my body, hard.
My favorite dress!
Since it was torn anyway, I thought I might as well finish the job.
I stepped out of it and grabbed it off the floor.
Seeing where it was torn, I pulled on the fabric, shredding it.
Ha! That’s what you get for trying to best me, you stupid dress. You were always a little too pink for my taste anyway.
That was a bit much over not being able to get a dress zipped up wasn’t it?
God, you’re still here?
Where did you think I would go? I said I would never leave you or forsake you. You think now that in your time of anger, I’d break that promise. Not gonna happen.
What? I snap.
Don’t you think we need to talk? God’s voice, as usual, is gentle, calming me...
Yeah, I guess it’s been awhile.
You weren’t just angry over the dress, were you?
I hang my head.
I can almost feel God putting His finger under my chin, lifting it so I can look at Him.
Tears slide down my cheeks.
The red haze clears.
Valerie, tell my why you were angry.
But God you already know.
Yes, that’s true. I do know. But you need to talk to me.
Okay, if you’re sure...
Why do you keep taking things away from me? Everything that’s been important to me, you rip from my heart. I feel like you don’t even care. You took me from a place I loved living, where I had tons of friends, and put me in a place where I don’t know anyone and nothing is familiar!
Valerie, that was five years ago. And didn’t you pray for my will to be done in your life?
Welll, yeah. I guess I did.
And don’t you like your ‘job’ at the hospital?
A smile creases my face.
Yes, God, you know I do, very much.
Holding those premature babies is a joyous balm to my heart.
You need to stop letting that be the only time you feel joy. I have put you where you are for my purposes. I want you to learn to cling to me.
Let this anger go.
Spend time with me.
Let me fill the empty places of your heart.
I am more than able.
But God, I have ignored you for so long. Do you really want to spend time with me?
Yes, my child, I do.
I love relationships.
I know you do too, because you bear my image, so what better place to start, then growing your relationship with me?
As I finish getting ready to leave, my heart softens more and I know I have a lot to think about over the next few days.
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