The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/08/09
Herbie's a great character!

I think you told too much of his story though, and as a result, there's a lot of "telling, not showing". I'd recommend picking one time of his pre-Christian life, and then one time of his post-Christian life, and then you can devote more effort to showing.

I love the image you left us wtih--the tufts of hair in his ears. Priceless!
10/11/09
I agree. More show would make this a better piece and I also like dialogue when possible. You need to space your paragraphs.
10/13/09
What a character cute story.