so i started this stupid blog cause my psycho drug dr told me i had to journal and well i really like blogs cause you can just be who you are and nobody cares
so today im supposed to write 3 things i am great full for…1. i have my own bathroom 2. my aunt works and isnt home to bug me 3. my brother has to stay after school for tutoring so he isnt here to bug me either
other than that there really isnt much i like. i like my friends branson and kaylyn…their cool but they do weed and i dont really like that but i hang out with them anyway
today i have to write 3 goals…1. get out of this house. my aunt is ok but she has to many rules and always wants to know where i am and who im with and stuff 2. get out of high school. its so lame and everyone acts like their all that and so inmature 3. marry a rich older guy like maybe 27 so he can take care of me and we can go to partys and clubs and stuff and i wont have to live in this lame town and he can help me forgot about my mom
today i have to write 3 things i like about myself. i used to like my long brown hair but its been falling out so it looks ratty. the psycho dr says its from stress. if she had my life she would be stressed to. her dad didnt leave when she was 6. god didnt give her mom cancer… 1. i like that i am really skinny…i look like one of those run way models. if i had a pretty face i would like to be a model but my face has lots of ugly scars
i cant think of anything i like about myself. if i liked myself i wouldnt be going to a psycho dr in the first place. this is stupid so im not going to do it
i hate my life…thats why i call my blog why was i born. it would be better for every one if i were just dead. today this idiot girl jess made fun of me. she said that my hair makes me look like a mangy dog and then tristan and colby started barking at me. i hate this stupid school. i diched english and went to the bathroom. when i opened my purse i found out that my aunt had taken my nail file out. it didnt matter tho cause i found a paper clip on the floor. i rolled up my sleeve and started digging it into my skin. when i saw the brite red blood running down my arm i stopped crying and started to breathe better. people shouldnt tell me this is bad. i could be taking drugs or drinking to feel better. and im not really cutting i just like the feel of the warm blood and the pretty red. i hope my aunt doesnt ask to look at my arms tonite. i should have used the paper clip on my leg instead
why wont the hurting stop. i want my mommy. why does god hate me. life is so lame. i just want to be numb
last night i looked thru all my drawers for something sharp. the psycho dr told my aunt to take everything out of my room and bathroom that i could use for cutting. they cant take away my finger nails tho. i had a very bad dream. i was running after my mom but i couldnt get to her. she kept going farther away. when i woke up i couldnt breathe. i started digging my finger nails into my skin. i really really needed to feel the warm blood and see the brite red color. i scrached my arms and legs and even my face until my t shirt was spotted with red blood every where. the blood took away my pain so i could go back to sleep
i went to church today with my aunt and brother. i didnt listen. i didnt sing. i just thought about my finger nails and couldnt wait to get back to my room. i need the healing blood to release me from my pain
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.