The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/08/09
Excellent and compelling end-times fiction.

I found some of your sentences a bit wordy and adjective-heavy.

I like the back-and-forth between the action and the man's thoughts, and the itlaicized flashback was very effective.
10/11/09
A difficult read for me mainly because of so many adjectives causing too much of an interruption in the flow of the story. However, I did like one particular adjective in the first paragraph.
Ooo, at first I thought this was a 9/11 story, and in a way that made what it turned out to be even more realistic. I agree that the first part was a little hard to get to, but otherwise good job.
Worth the effort to read. Overall, I really enjoyed this compelling end-time story.
Well written, and I agree with Jan's comment regarding the use of adjectives. That being said, your writing style was very engaging and I could experience everything being said. Your theme reminds me a lot of the book "By the Waters of Babylon"
10/14/09
Yesteryear many wonderful works were filled with adjectives. Sometimes to the point that it was hard to get to the subject/verb of the story. I still think it beautiful when well done.
Today, we lack patience to let the words sink in. This is very well writte.

Mona
You captured the destruction and the desperation...well done