The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/09/09
Having recieved a similar phone call, I can attest that it's the last thing anyone ever wants to hear!

An easy fix--some of your dialog is incorrectly punctuated. Instead of...

“Stop worrying.” Daddy said.

...the punctuation mark before the end quotes should be a comma:

“Stop worrying,” Daddy said.

(note that if you've used a question mark or exclamation point, you can keep those the way they are).

So glad for the happy ending!
10/09/09
Nice job of MCing the story. Your action felt very real and pulled me into the story right away.