The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Exciting story and I could not quit reading once I started..I was scared right along with Lauren..
10/09/09
Fun twist toward the end of your story.

I felt as if this was unfinished--it seems chopped off, with no hint at resolution. And the ghost aspect made me uneasy, on this site.

I really like the character of your narrator, and would have liked to read more.
10/09/09
I enjoyed where the story was going and felt it did get chopped off without providing resolution for the main character who did a great job creating suspense.
10/12/09
Unusual topic choice for this site, but I wanted to follow the story to see where it would take me. Sounds like a great start with some interesting places to take it.

Some of the dialogue felt a little stilted to me, but the atmosphere was excellent!
10/13/09
I liked the story and enjoyed the ending. Sometimes we can scared ourselves a lot just by letting our imaginations get the better of us. Some of your dialogue felt fake, though. I'd read over it and see if that's the way people really talk. Dialogue can be hard, because what sounds good in your head may feel forced to others when it is in writing.