The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/17/09
Wow. I certainly didn't see the story going in the direction that it did. Interesting turn.
Wow. Quite the shift at the end. I like it. Though, his "...only chance at happiness" statement seems a bit odd to me. Nevertheless, great job throwing a curve.
09/19/09
The change in Paul's attitude was too abrupt and unbelievable, or maybe unrealistic for me because of the years between the "then and now". Maybe it's just me.
09/21/09
Wow. A good twist with the wife's confrontation but the husbands response doesn't have a set up. It's good, but it seems there needs to be a seed in the intro par's for such a twist - or maybe I missed it.
09/21/09
well, you captivated me throughout this... but I was hoping for a happier ending.. Nice work, though.
09/21/09
Your hint promised a surprise ending and you certainly delivered. Reading back I can see the seeds of discontent but you probably need to emphasise the husband's sense of boredom to prepare the reader for the unexpected climax.
I like this, well done! I would have liked his reaction to be drawn out a little more and I felt the last sentence was a bit anticlimatic and unnatural.
Excellent surprise factor.
Interesting turn of events that I never expected. Well done.
09/22/09
Definitely a confusing ending,and why the title? Whose obedience?
09/23/09
I jumped to many conclusions while reading this story...none of them were right!
You kept me guessing up until the very end then took me down an unexpected turn in the road...
Good writing although I agree the husband's reaction was maybe a bit too abrupt...the word count is sometimes the reason we can't flesh the story out as well as we'd like.
~Cathy~