Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Empty Nester/Retirement (from work) (09/10/09)
TITLE: Community Retirement Action Plan
By Sheri Gordon
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SUBJECT: Community Retirement Action Plan
My administration is committed to ensuring equal opportunity for prosperity acquisition for all of our citizens. To help us achieve this goal, early on in my presidency I commissioned an extensive study focusing on the costs and benefits of senior citizens in our society’s workforce.
After reviewing the findings and recommendations which came forth from this study, I am hereby proposing a mandatory retirement plan for all working and non-working senior citizens. My Community Retirement Action Plan—here on out to be referred to as C.R.A.P.—will benefit all citizens of this country. Furthermore, I have appointed a czar of C.R.A.P. to oversee this extremely beneficial and necessary program.
Findings from the aforementioned study suggest that a percentage of people begin to lose some of their cognitive skills before they turn sixty. Lacking crucial critical thinking abilities, these individuals are not able to make rational decisions in their jobs. From doctors to waste management collectors, lives may be unnecessarily put at risk due to the inability—through no fault of their own—of our senior citizens to make discriminate decisions.
Working together, the C.R.A.P. czar and I have developed a plan to ensure public trust, while promoting a safe and healthy lifestyle for all citizens of this country. The proposed plan will be phased in slowly to enable Quality Control to monitor all pieces of C.R.A.P.
My proposed C.R.A.P. will be set forth as follows. At age fifty-five, all citizens, whether working or not, will automatically be enrolled in C.R.A.P. This relinquishes the need for senior citizens to have to worry about filling out forms. Through a voluntary employer program, this administration will have the majority of the workforce already input in our system. (To encourage companies to participate in C.R.A.P., an opt-out fee will be assessed to any business choosing not to provide employee information to the government.) Additionally, we will have already obtained substantial data from those citizens who have chosen not to work, but have opted instead to take advantage of the many government programs that provide for their needs.
Once seniors are officially in C.R.A.P., the Department of C.R.A.P., headed by the C.R.A.P. czar, will evaluate each individual based on prior contribution to society, social status, medical conditions, and financial records. Each senior citizen will then be assigned to a Living Center. These Living Centers are currently being built by government employees, with a proposed completion date of four years—corresponding with the start of this administration’s second term, thus allowing adequate time to phase in the entire project.
All personal assets belonging to senior citizens will be managed and redistributed by the Department of C.R.A.P. Every senior citizen in this country will be living in fully-funded, government controlled housing, with all meals, medical, and recreational activities included. The aforementioned appropriated funds will be used to help pay for these programs, as well as providing an equally distributed monthly stipend for clothes and personal items.
It is my belief that by removing all senior citizens from the workforce, we can reduce or eliminate the risk of poor choices being made in the work environment. Additionally, many of our seniors have worked very hard all their lives, and it’s time for their country to give back to them. I am confident that C.R.A.P. is what our seniors and this country need.
Office of The President
MEMORANDUM FOR THE HEADS OF EXECUTIVE DEPARTMENTS AND AGENCIES
SUBJECT: C.R.A.P. Number Two
As a follow-up to the previous Community Retirement Action Plan memorandum, I would like to clarify one concern. Elected officials, as well as appointees of this administration, are exempt from C.R.A.P. While participation in C.R.A.P. is mandatory for all citizens of this country, elected officials and presidential appointees will continue to operate under their current retirement program. C.R.A.P. is designed for the Average Joe who may not be able to make the best decisions for him/herself. Elected officials and appointees have proven themselves to be more than capable of making sound decisions, and will continue to be employed in their current position until they expire or make their own choice to retire.
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