The Official Writing Challenge
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09/17/09
I laughed through the WHOLE thing!! Way to be subtle, using Louise. :) The whole elephant tethering thing was brilliant. What a manipulator Brad is! And that Tilman guy, I'd like to meet him, we have a few plants needing attention! :) What a riot! I LOVE it!
09/17/09
Loved this piece. Humorous, with just the right touch of wisdom thrown in. Good work.
09/18/09
What fun characters--Brad, the instigator got what he deserved in the end. I was truly entertained by this story.
09/18/09
Great laugh! However, I sensed it coming because I've been there. The only difference, I've been used to doing things such as housekeeping, etc. for nearly 25 years due to my wife's disabilities, and because that's how I spell love.
Personally, I'm glad Brad was caught in his own web. I've never liked anyone who would take advantage of people they feel to be gullible. And it looks like Tilman had a much better and opened relationship with his wife that Brad could only have imagined. Brad reminds me of my own kids, who, at times, naively thought my wife and I never discussed things. The tongue-in-cheek, understated humor in this piece made it a fun, enjoyable read.
09/18/09
You described the retired fellows in our neighborhood to a T. Very Funny In a manly sort of way!
This is super. The elephant illustration was perfect. Great humor throughout. Fun read!
09/19/09
This was priceless! The way Brad tried to manipulate Tillman with the comment about the underfertilized grass totally had me snickering. What a hilarious (and ridiculous) elephant analogy...loved the wife's comeback. Loved the whole humorous story.:)
09/19/09
Oh, so very funny. I laughed and laughed from the beginning. Loved the elephant story. Loved the whole thing.
09/19/09
Great job! I love the twist, it made the story.
09/21/09
Like a good episode of Home Improvement or the like - men being hilarious just being "manly" and a clever twist at the end that snags 'em tight. Perfect!
09/21/09
So very clever! This story shows writing talent, pure and simple.
09/21/09
Love the hook, and the crisp dialogue. Love the wife's comeback, too! Oh, so clever!
09/21/09
Those men! I can just see them.
This is such a fun entry. I laughed out loud and Bill wanted to know what I was laughing at at midnight. I can't tell him about the elephant stake. He might catch on.
Terrific entry and a winner, for sure.

mona
Where do you come up with these fantastic story ideas? I, too, loved the crisp dialog. Very, very funny!
09/22/09
I can see this scene playing out....excellent "showing" vs telling. Nice work!
I was picturing an old black and white sit com as I read this, along the lines of Ozzie and Harriet, maybe.

A really fun read. Two thumbs up.
Your characterization is perfect--shown through dialogue, and the humor is perfect throughout. I love the elephant spiel; in fact, I love the whole story.
What a great story, could "see" the wonderful characters and the humor was fun. Loved it!
This is funny! Great job of characterization.
Loved all the 'tongue in cheek' humor. Great writing!
09/22/09
Fantastic humor, yet so true... you really made these guys come alive! I loved it from beginning to end. Very well done!
09/23/09
Thanks for the much needed smile today. Great humor and so glad Tilman didn't cave adn Lousie is still queen of her home. : )
09/23/09
Lisa, you are a MASTER - and not just at writing ;) LOVE IT!!!
Now, THIS is humor :) Well done, Lisa. Great, fun story, with a message. Impressive.
09/24/09
11th place... sooooo close... I wanted to push this one on in. I agree with the sitcom comment above. You could call it something original like, Brad and Janice and Tilman and Louise. Has a nice ring to it.