The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/18/09
I could feel Alyssa's mixed emotions as she was going off to college in the first part of this story. Obviously the second part was a year or so later--at least that's what I'm guessing you're saying.

Red ink: Maybe just a tad more info would make the ending less fuzzy for people like me who need the details. I also found this focusing more on the daughter than on the topic of empty nesters. However, I did enjoy the read.
09/20/09
I liked the mother/daughter relationship. It was very tender but I was confused at the ending, too. I was also distracted by all the times the word mother was used. It's a very good story. Just needs to be tightened up a bit. I really want to understand the ending.
09/20/09
I thought this was very well written. I felt the emotion that both mother and daughter experienced. I also could tell this goodbye was not a child going to college or moving out but this goodbye went far beyond that. The title revealed that to readers so not really surprising. Very well done.
09/22/09
Not sure if I'm right, but I thought Alyssa kept the mother's memory alive, in that house. Now that she was leaving, she would also have to leave the memory. I like this story.
09/22/09
I don't think there's any question about her mother's dying some years before. It was spelled out very well in the last few sentences. I like your style of writing and I think this is a particularly good entry. Kudos!
A tender, poignant story. I could literally see the scene at the end.

One thing I found a bit distracting was the name of your MC repeated frequently. I'm wondering if you could have substituted "young lady" or something similar, just to break it up a little bit?

It didn't detract from the essence of this lovely piece, though. Well done.
Your beautiful story put a lump in my throat.
09/23/09
An emotional goodbye that takes an eerie turn. Creative story! The necklace twist is the key that leaves me wondering - hmmm. VERY good!