The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/10/09
I am so glad you had a sister who loved you as you should have been loved! Your vivid descriptions allow me to feel your anxiety, joy, and dismay. The short sentence at the end is a nice contrast to those lengthier descriptions...and I suspect it also reflects the time you spent feeling that love--far too brief! Well done.
09/12/09
I don't know what to say...this story broke my heart.
09/13/09
I am so glad you had your sister in your life. Everyone should have a sister like that.
This sounds like a true story. My heart broke for the child, and I was happy she had a sister.
09/14/09
You did a great job portraying the narrator's two different worlds.

I was a little bit thrown off by the body toward the middle--I expected to find out what had happened, and even read the story twice, thinking I had missed it the first time.

Sad story, but the love really shone through.
09/16/09
What you wrote kept my interest all the way through, but I felt you were telling two different stories. I would like to know what happened to the body.