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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Childhood (09/03/09)

TITLE: Rosy Pebble Language Acquisition Program
By Mary Lou Tiner
09/09/09


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SPECIAL OFFER! FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!
YOU CAN LEARN TO SPEAK “CHILDISH” FLUENTLY -

WITH OUR NEW ROSY PEBBLE© LANGUAGE ACQUISITION PROGRAM!

NO MORE RUNNING AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH IN FRUSTRATION!
OUR PROGRAM IS GUARANTEED TO TEACH YOU HOW TO SPEAK CHILD LIKE A CHILD!

TAKE A LOOK AT THESE 4 SPECIAL FEATURES:

1. THE GRAMMAR HAMMER:
Do you feel like Humpty Dumpty, always falling off that Grammar Wall? Well, now you can take our Grammar Hammer and knock that wall down! Our Rosy Pebble Language Program will help you learn to use Childish tenses correctly. You will discover there are only two tenses in Childish: present and past. Take a look at these examples:
Excerpt:
Present Tense: I want it now!
Past Tense: Why didn’t you let me have it?
Excerpt:
Present Tense: I am cleaning my room.
Past Tense: My brother messed up my room.
Excerpt:
Present Tense: I gotta go to the bathroom now!
Past Tense: I told you I had to go!

2. VOCABULARY ILLUMINARY:
Tired of feeling like one of the three blind mice? Rosy Pebble Language Program will open your eyes to new word meanings and help you gain a deeper understanding of Childish word usage.

Excerpt from the lesson on homophones:
Wii - A highly addictive electronic game, known to suck the brain cells out of normally bright children.
Wee – A cry of delight, indicating someone has just been tossed in the air.
Wee Wee – An idiomatic expression, indicating an urgent need for a bathroom.
Wee? – An expression indicating the child did not find a bathroom in time.
We – Although this is a plural pronoun, it actually refers to a single person. It is a term used by parents to indicate you are supposed to do something. It is unclear why parents say “we” when they mean “you” but it is commonly understood in colloquial speech. For example: “We don’t say Bobby is fat. We say he is healthy.”

Excerpt from “10 of the most common Childish words”:
1. Why?
2. Mine!
3. No!
4. Mommy!
5. Ouch!
6. Why?
7. Why?
8. Why?
9. Why?
10. Why?

3. PHABULOUS PHRASES:
Stop wishing on a star! You can have the wish you wish tonight by using Rosy Pebble Language Program. We have compiled some common phrases to help you gain confidence in speaking Childish.
Try these sample phrases:
I’m bored.
I don’t want to!
Why does the woman have a mustache?
It’s not fair!
Are we there yet?
I’m not tired.
I don’t wanna go to bed!
It’s not my fault.
I can’t find my socks.


4. ARTICULATION ADULATION
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers – and you will be picking out the proper pronunciation with perfect panache. By practicing these verbal exercises you will be able to fool even a native Childish speaker!
Excerpt:
1. “Mah…..mee”: Be sure to put the emphasis on the first syllable, holding it out as long as possible. The first syllable also has a higher tone than the second. This pronunciation of “Mommy” should be used when trying to get Mommy’s attention, especially when there isn’t a real emergency but when you are too lazy to leave your room. It is very effective to repeat this word over and over, in a chanting manner.
2. “Mommy!”: This is spoken quickly, in a very staccato fashion. Avoid opening the lips very wide and be sure not to smile. This pronunciation of “Mommy” should be used to express annoyance or frustration.
3. “Mahhhhhhhhaaaaaaameeeeee!”: This pronunciation should be preceded by a long inhalation of air. This is one of the most difficult articulations to master. It requires screaming at the top of your lungs, blending crying sounds with words and at all times keeping your eye on Mommy to be sure she is watching.
4. “Mommy…..I love you.”: In order to properly master this pronunciation, it is vital that you cuddle up on Mommy’s lap, look intently into her eyes and add a dramatic pause for approximately 4-5 seconds between “Mommy”, and “I love you!” Be sure to place special emphasis on “love”.


ROSY PEBBLE LANGUAGE PROGRAM GUARANTEES THAT YOU WILL LEARN TO SPEAK PERFECT CHILDISH IN 18 YEARS OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

SIGN UP TODAY AND YOU WILL NEVER BE INTIMIDATED BY OLD MOTHER GOOSE AGAIN!


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This article has been read 670 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Chely Roach09/10/09
One word: hilarious. You clever, clever person, who ever you are. :)
Lisa Johnson 09/12/09
Love it!
Sitting here laughing at how funny...and true...this entry is!!
Gregory Kane09/14/09
Inspired! Actually the first time I came across this entry, I wondered if it was a SPAM entry from someone outside FW promoting his programme...
Allen Stark09/16/09
How original! As an ex-English and performing arts teacher...I loved it!
Lisa Johnson 09/17/09
Oh, how fun!!! Congratulations on winning third place!!! It's just as good the econd time as it was the first time I read it!
Lisa Johnson 09/17/09
second time...my fingers stuttered!!! lol
Francy Judge 09/17/09
Congratulations! I loved this creative entry. Very funny. I like how you used the nursery rhymes within the story. Even the ending was perfect.
Charla Diehl 09/17/09
How funny and creative--loved it from start to finish. Glad you placed with this cute and humorous take on the topic. Great job.