The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1267 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/15/05
Excellent, fast-paced, edge of your seat writing! It stumbled a bit with the panties - convinced me a man wrote this. Hope I'm not wrong posting that:)
This is good work, but the symbol of the blood in the killing and the blood on the underwear was a bit too gross for me.

Your writing has a very male feel to me too. I don't think many women would write the bathroom scene. Too private.
Jeepers, this is definitely counterfeit "sightseeing" at its best. Sights no one wants to see. I'm thinking of a word to describe my response - maybe "piercing", as in sharp-sided.
Your ending left me with chills.
08/18/05
You kept me on the edge of my seat! Awesome outside-the-box of sightseeing! But I have to agree with the other girls...the scene with the girl in the bathroom was...a bit disturbing... Other than that, great story!
No offense intended Maxx. Great writing as always, I just had to tell the truth. No lawsuits pending. :)
08/19/05
I loved it - including the bathroom scene. I thought that scene especially was well-written, a creative way to explain a possible pregnancy. Loved the entire entry. The only thing I would question is the relation to sightseeing - it was definitely "out-of-the-box." But excellent writing regardless.
Blessings, Lynda
08/19/05
Well written. I got the 'pregnancy part'. It's anguish that a lot of women go through when they're in the wrong situation. You brought it out well.
08/19/05
Grrr, Maxx, on the edge of my seat and nowhere to go. Great story, well told though, despite my desire for tidy endings. (unless I'm writing) yeggy
Aaaug! You left us hanging! Good job though, I liked all of it. hehe.
08/19/05
ACK! very well written -but the lack of resolution drives me crazy -which I know was on purpose lol. Very emotionlly charged.
08/19/05
What got me most was how a poor girl looking to see the world would end up seeing more of the world than she bargained for. Excellent work. Even the panties -- vivid picture.
08/20/05
Action-packed story! I think I would have selected "stroked" her hair instead of petted (it was just something that blarred at me-just a minor nitpick), but as always, awesome writing! The bathroom scene didn't bother me in the least. You "showed" instead of told! One last personal nitpick--I don't like to be kept hanging! But, I guess that's part of the appeal as well. :)
08/20/05
This is great! It is very real and may keep some girl out of a situation or at least be able recognize that they are in one. Hope that you have a market and they aren't being wasted on the us.
08/20/05
I could relate! Been that small town girl taken in by a "strong" sweet-talking guy and felt trapped when his true character came through. Only by the mercy of God did I escape and avoid pregnancy. Nice job. Thanks, Maxx.
I enjoyed this. Great job! I didn't really care for the bathroom scene, but it didn't offend me. I like the way you make us hang on at the end...wondering what is going to happen next...great writing!
Grrr. The traditional "maxx" ending. Fantanstic. I really enjoyed your writing style in this story. Short, pointed sentances. I find it very interesting how ofter you switch styles. This writing style is entirly different from your last piece. I love stories that surpise me or catch me off guard. Your bathroom scene was perfect for that. written extremely clever and perfect. I loved it. One of my favorite part sof the story. So naive! I know a girl exactly like this one in the story. I pictured her in mind while I was reading and you captured it perfectly. I particularly loved your wording choice based on the fact that a young girl was telling the scene. I did find it a tad confusing when it seemed to jump from the POV of the young girl to another more "mature" narrator. It was as if another person was watching the scene and describing what they saw. Maybe that was intential? I loved the intensity of the piece. Your intro sentances always suck me in. great work. (as always)