Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Birth (infancy) (08/20/09)

TITLE: Heads Or Tails
By Virgil Youngblood
08/25/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Heads or Tails



Nantucket was a poor name to hang on a kid, Great-grandpa Billy thought, but they hadn’t asked his opinion. Cynthia had insisted on the name saying he was conceived in Nantucket and it was a fitting way to remember her honeymoon with Quaid. Sure glad they didn’t stay in Bucksnort, Billy thought.

Billy’s wife had named their only son Clarence and every generation since had strayed farther in the naming department.

Sitting in the shade of the front porch Billy was whittling a turtle out of a block of pine. His legs hung over the edge of the elevated porch above a pile of shavings on the ground. Tuck was asleep on a blanket close by. Cynthia had rushed to town to buy diapers saying she could get there and back quicker if Billy didn’t mind baby-sitting. Of course, he didn’t. A great-grandson was special. He was delighted Cynthia and Quaid had come for the weekend.

He heard Clarence’s rattle-trap pickup bouncing over the ruts in the lane across the Klein grass pasture behind the house. After the motor wheezed to a stop, doors banged shut. Clarence, Quaid and Buster came walking around the house on the path by the Peace rose bushes. The two men plopped tiredly on the porch, their soiled and sweat-stained clothing testifying to a morning of labor.

Buster, a Catahoula cow dog, sniffed Tuck, and then backed quickly away and curled up on the far side of the porch, upwind.

“Hi! Grandpa” Quaid said. “Were you talking to Tuck? I don’t think he heard you. He’s sleeping.”

“’Hello, Quaid” Billy said, nodding at his grandson. “I’m sure he didn’t. I was just saying a prayer over him same as I prayed for you and your dad. I still pray for you, you know? I was telling Tuck some things; sort of putting it in his subconscious mind.”

“What was that?” Clarence asked his dad. “Anything we need to know?”

“Well, son, I was just thinking. It hasn’t been two months since Tuck got here. He was enjoying it just fine being all secure floating in warm water and getting all he wanted to eat. That was all he ever knew. And then one day he gets shoved out. The un-knit bones in his head get all scrunched up and mis-shaped getting pushed down the birth canal. When he gets into this world someone pops him on the butt and he breaths air for the first time, a squalling and a bawling. He didn’t want to come, that’s for sure.

“You didn’t either, you know. None of us did. Now that you are here, would you want to go back?”

“If Quaid and I have to doctor any more cows this week, we both would” Clarence said, wiping a suspicious stain on his arm with a sweat-soaked bandana.

“Sitting and whittling you think about things,” Billy said. “You can’t do that when you’re working all day. At my age I won’t be around much longer. I could check-out soon or in a few years, only the good Lord knows. I expect when that time comes I won’t want to go any more than Tuck wanted to get born. There are dying pains, just like birthing pains, usually.

“But here’s what I think: When I pass from here I expect I’ll never want to come back any more than Tuck wishes he were back in his mother’s womb. I’m not in a hurry to leave but it will be okay when I do.”

“Wow! Grandpa” Quaid said, “Tuck really turned your thinking-box on.”

“Well, you remember and pass it on to Tuck. He’ll not likely remember me. The youngest of four generations seldom gets old enough to do much with the oldest. The heritage I leave with you is what my daddy gave me that he got from his father. He introduced me to the Lord. You two have a responsibility to raise Tuck and keep this family’s heritage alive.”

“That we will, Dad” Clarence said, as Quaid nodded in agreement.

“Something else I can tell you” Billy said. “You better hope Cynthia gets back soon or you two can flip a nickel to see who changes Tucks diaper.”


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 319 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anita Vander Elst08/27/09
I really like old-timer Billy, imparting truth & wisdom with a huge dash of good humor.
Lisa Johnson 08/29/09
I, too, liked the deep theology of the MC mingled with some good old fashioned humor.
Bryan Ridenour08/31/09
Deep truth sprinkled with great humor. Well done.
Mona Purvis08/31/09
Love the title, love the characters, love their names and love your writing talent.
This is very good.
Mona
Connie Dixon08/31/09
Good job, I thought this was very well-written.
larry troxell 08/31/09
i looked for a red ink spot but all i found was beautiful humor. keep whittling and writing.
Laury Hubrich 09/01/09
Very good story and I love the ending:)
Joy Faire Stewart09/01/09
My kind of story, interesting story and characters with a great message. Love it!
Kristin Slavik09/01/09
Loved the descriptions and the complexity of these characters. Your writing style is very strong and polished, especially in the first few paragraphs.

My only comment would be that somehow Quaid seemed like the big brother and not the father of baby 'tuck'. Something about his few words made me feel he was younger until I re-read and figured out he was the new father.

Great job!
Colin Nielsen 09/02/09
Okay. You called for red ink in the forums lol Get ready.

First off. I liked your peice. Nice having a grandfather teaching the young ones God's way. Doesn't happen nearly enough these days.
I picked up on a few things you might want to look at for improvement though but remember this is only my opinion, feel free to reject it.
First sentence, too long. Too vanilla (if that makes sense.) You have an unreferenced 'they' when grandaddy is talking about the name.

Watch the tags. There was no need to add the tag 'Billy thought. we know we are in his head and they are wasted words.
The piece seemed a little passive for my liking. You could easily get rid of some of the was's and save some more space. eg... Billy was whittling a turtle, Billy whittled a turtle.
The dialogue seemed a little off to me, too many names and a little too formal for this informal conversation.

I totally loved the description of the birth process though. Keep up the good work and please feel free to trout-slap my comments if you do not agree.


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service