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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Winter (the season) (08/13/09)

TITLE: Shhh...
By Rachel Burkum
08/19/09


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I close my eyes and embrace the chill. Somehow it comforts my soul. Stretching my arms, I catch the air, breathing it in like a sweet perfume. My ears strain to hear the impact of the falling crystals surrounding me. But I am left wanting. The silence is deafening.

Shhh...

Spinning a circle, I smile towards Heaven and another flake alights on my face. It sends an icy drop down to meet my lips, a chilly treat to taste. Like a miniature ice cube it surprises my tongue, with a jolt of frosty sensations.

Shhh...

Icicles form on barren branches, frozen wind chimes, silent and still. Each one grows a little longer, as the sun melts it away one drop at a time. Dimples are formed in the bank below, evidence of the heatís handiwork.

Shhh...

I can feel the sunshine soaking my cheeks and I empty my lungs to meet the rays with a steamy cloud of breath. It stalls midair in the sub-zero temperature and I am tempted to try and catch it with my hands.

Shhh...

The trees around me groan with the weight of the fallen snow, and they seem to whisper complaints. The snow creaks beneath my feet, and the hidden blades of grass are crushed. My ears have adjusted to the sounds of winter.

Shhh...

Soon the dreamland of snow and ice will fade. The sun will call a new season in, and all will melt away. But for now, in the stillness, I smile once again. One more time I spin a circle and catch one more flake on my tongue.

Shhh...


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This article has been read 491 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Charla Diehl 08/20/09
It's 96 degrees today where I live, and as I read your creative entry I imagined it was lots cooler. Thanks.
Mona Purvis08/20/09
I love, love, love this. Each word takes me to that place and I sense the atmosphere.
Brilliantly written, offering winter at its best.
The shh..lines worked to get across your message.
Splendid.

mona
Allen Stark08/20/09
Not sure I want to think about winter during the summer. Having to deal with ice and snow makes one want to put winter out of mind as long as possible, especiaslly if one is still adjusting from being a "desert rat" to being a midwesterner. However, Rachel, having said that, as usual you've done a great job of capturing my senses.
Catrina Bradley 08/20/09
You captured the the way snow seems to deaden sound and the only thing heard is the creak of your boots in the snow; and the beauty of icicles (love the comparison to frozen wind chimes); and so much else good about winter. Nice!
Deborah Engle 08/20/09
This was a pleasure to read. It almost makes winter and snow seem appealing.
Jackie Wilson08/20/09
Lovely. The use of "shhhh...", as a pause between each thought was so effective, and just right for the topic.
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/21/09
Beautiful imagery here--and exactly on topic.
Loren T. Lowery08/21/09
Yes to this and yes to the "Shss" quiet beauty it reveals.
Val Clark08/22/09
Very peaceful - the musings of someone at peace with themselves and in their world.
Jan Ackerson 08/24/09
Beautiful pacing, almost makes me like winter (which I really hate). It takes me to a serene place.
Linda Payne08/24/09
This read like a poem. Your descriptions were lovely and I felt as if it was indeed winter.
Colin Swann08/24/09
Quite a beautiful rendering of the winter scene in a poetic dreamy way. Enjoyed! Colin
Ada Nett08/24/09
Your writing is alive with visuals!
Bryan Ridenour08/25/09
Wonderfully descriptive. Even though this is not geared for children, I could see a parent reading this at a child's bedside before going to sleep. This piece is so very soothing....