The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/20/09
A few things bothered me about this suspenseful story. If she's 22, would she have been old enough to have been on duty at 911 a few years back? If the lot is cleared, would there be a basement? If she's sitting on the floor how would she have heard what the officer said into the supervisor's headset?
I wanted to believe...it just tripped me up.
Lots of intrigue.

Mona
08/20/09
I, too, question the timeline of the dispatcher for this story. Also felt it was a bit light on the topic of "winter." But, I was intrigued and like how it ended.
08/20/09
Best opening line I've read so far. :-)
The plot and message of the story are strong, despite a few discrepancies.
08/21/09
Incredibly powerful. Your descriptions are very intense, and I can feel your MC's fear palpably. This definitely made an impression.
08/24/09
LOVE your title, and the beautiful symbolism in the green folder. Nice job!
08/24/09
Thanks for sharing - I must be a bit thick - I didn't get all the discrepancies but being English neither did I get all the jargon. Thanks
08/24/09
I liked your symbolism with "Harbinger" county in connection with the rest of the sentence "Sharon Wilson sensed a chill scurry up her spine…" Your ending message gives hope!
A great title and a great entry! Kudos, my friend!
08/24/09
Your story was intense and I read quickly to try to get to the end so I could find out what was really going on...The phone was kind'a freaky...
I loved the suspense and I believe this could be the beginning to a much larer work. Well done!