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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Sightseeing (08/08/05)

TITLE: Crimson Tours
By Debra Brand


“Step right in ladies and gentlemen! Take your seats. Don’t worry about window seats ‘cause everyone gets one! There are more up top if you prefer heights! All are welcome!”

“There, now. My name is Perry Clete. I thank you for sightseeing with Crimson Tours. Our company has been in business since…a long time, anyway. This tour is designed to take you through the wondrous sights of the Holy Land. Each of you has an itinerary in the package on your seat. As we approach each shrine, we will stop so that everyone gets a good look. There will be a pit stop along the way, rest rooms, food, etc. Now, please get ready for an experience of a lifetime! Fasten your seat belts, here we go!”

“The first stop, to your right, is…

“Excuse me, Mr. Clete,” asked the gentleman in row three, “why isn’t the church on the left of the bus part of the tour? It’s so beautiful with the golden domes, glistening white pillars and manicured lawns. It looks very holy.”

“Oh please, call me Perry. Well, when we started Crimson Tours we invited everyone to be a part of this but the church on the left is under construction for a new addition. They didn’t want tourists milling about, getting in the way.”

“Now, the next stop on your right is the…”

“Hey, Percy!”

“Um, the name is Perry, thank you.”

“OK, Perry, like, I wanna know what’s this dish on the left?”

“I’ll be happy to tell you, young man. That stadium has been used to hold thousands of evangelistic crusades featuring Billy Graham, Todd Bentley and even Benny Hinn. When we sent the invitation for the stadium to be a Holy Land site on the tour, they responded and said they were too busy hosting golf banquets. Their refusal infuriated the coordinator. A fire has destroyed everything but the shell.”

“If you will take note of the road we are traveling, it narrows considerably to a single lane. There is no turnaround after this spot. Anyone who would like to leave must do so now…I thought so. Not many people want to miss what comes next.”

“At the next highlight of the tour, take notice of the three upright crosses. The center one is where our Savior hung and died for everyone. The one on the right is the first person to be in glory with our Savior. He repented of his sinful thievery and angels carried his soul to eternity in heaven. Oh my, it just gives me goose bumps! What a celebration we had that day!”


“Yes, young lady. How can I help you?”

“Was there someone on the other cross?”

“Oh yes. A dreadful thing happened to him. Being of the world his regrets were for the things of this world. He cared not that a Savior hung dying next to him. Very sad, very sad.”

“But what happened to him?”

“Well, miss. I hate to tell you this but they tied him hand and foot and threw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. Are you ready to travel on? Let’s go, driver!”

“We’re coming to the last stop on the tour and will disembark. Careful now. Refresh-ment awaits you. You will find some new white robes to put on. Your name is printed on the front and sized exactly for your body!”

“This holiest place is called ‘Heart Ablaze’. See, right in the center of the pure white marble slab? It’s a bright red beating heart surrounded by tongues of fire! Note the size! Mammoth isn’t it! It’s the holiest place in all creation, the Heart of Jesus Christ!”

“Please come and sit by this lovely stream. It’s called ‘Living Waters’. Those of you who are poor, crippled, blind or lame drink all you can. Peace and rest to all.”

“I’ve saved the best till last. We’re invited to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb!”

Based upon Matthew 22:1-14, Luke 14:15-24

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Member Comments
Member Date
Beth Muehlhausen08/18/05
I liked this! A fun and sort of whimsical way to "lead" the reader on a tour! And the last stop was the wedding feast...wow. :-) Good creative writing, here.
Shari Armstrong 08/19/05
An interesting take on it.
Jan Ackerson 08/19/05
Maybe you have to knock me over the head, but I'm not sure I got your point about the first two stops. But I LOVED the punning name of your tour guide.
Tammy Johnson08/20/05
Not sure it all flows together, but I liked the image of the church and stadium and how we can start out great, but lose sight of Jesus and his heart to our own destruction.
Crista Darr08/20/05
Well-written, free-flowing dialogue. The message I get from this piece is that the true heart of Christ is not behind the white-walled churches with manicured lawns, but only after the cross.
Maxx .08/20/05
loved the character. He was great! good job!