The Official Writing Challenge
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08/20/09
Liked the story as it unfolded but felt the ending a bit abrupt, or even rude on the MC's part. Sort of wanted her to invite old Flint in for coffee.
08/20/09
I rather enjoyed the story from what wasn't said...sometimes the real story. I had to read to find out more about the MC. I like her. The 'clunk' of the lock is priceless.

mona
08/20/09
Great title for this piece. Was expecting the requisite story-book ending, and was PLEASANTLY surprised when the tumblers locked into place again. LOVE the ending! (And the descriptions of the wintry beach were beautiful!)
08/20/09
The moment Flint wiped his nose on the back of his hand I just knew he was not for your MC. :-) I found the story a bit enigmatic though in that at the beginning she has accepted being single as from God, but her decision to give Flint the flick is based on his poor art and annoying personality. The introduction was intriguing piqued my curiosity. yeggy
You took me on a merry ride with this one, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. How very cleverly you built your plot. I'm glad you didn't go with a traditional ending for your "thunk" girl, although I fell for Flint a little, myself.
08/23/09
This feels like it needs a Chapter One and a Chapter Three to go along with the Chapter Two you have here—I'm fascinated.
Descriptions were fantastic and story well told. For some reason, I don't think Flint's going to give up...:) Well done!
The lock metaphor was fantastic :)
The only line that caused me to stutter in my reading was: "went back for my down comforter."
I thought the word "down" should have been after the word "back" (went back down for my comforter." Then I realized down was being used as a description.
I was surprised at the ending, but the visual's were amazing!
08/24/09
Most of us would love to get alone, just in our own company, in a place like this - completely uninterrupted by the likes of a nuisance. Enjoyed the feel of a nostalgic stay by the sea.
Colin
08/24/09
You set the mood expertly, introduced your very real character mastefully and wove a great winter tale with some of the best writing I've read in while. God bless.
08/24/09

Most enjoyable story.


Perhaps Flint saw the MC peeking at him through the window and sensed an invitation?!

Loved the details!
So rich in detail - what a fun and well woven story. I like the various names your MC had for this guy - and where was that sheepish conversation with God - could that be what was missing from the picture? And I have to ask - what are oddleg calipers anyway?
08/24/09
I just had a sneaking suspicion this wasn't going to be the standard girl-meets-boy story! Fantastic characterization and description... I felt like I was there. But I still feel kind of sorry for poor "Flint"... :)
08/24/09
You certainly have a gift for pulling the reader right into your writing! I will admit I was expecting a rather different ending.
Wow- awesome. As a "happily single woman", I applauded your MC--can't be too careful these days--too many weirdos out there. I thoroughly enjoyed the ride!
08/24/09
I enjoyed the eclectic list of necessities she packed (and I can relate to them all. ) You had so many things in here that made me smile (if not "giggle" see the new "things" game in the water cooler)… the "oddleg calipers," "a niggling discontent took residence behind my left eye," and "I'd lost a game of hangmen--to myself" to name a few!
You outdid yourself with your descriptions and with the ending. A super piece of writing!
08/25/09
Yep--that last thunk was THE final decision on Flint and all others, I think. The setting is wonderfully cold and wintry. I liked Flint, until the nose thing, and then--ICK. Poor guy. He's clueless.
08/25/09
Loved it! You don't have to hit me over the head with a ton of brinks. At least, that's what I Thunk, before I married Flint! *grin*
08/25/09
oops! bricks. a ton of bricks. *chagrin*
Ok, this was laugh out loud--no abbreviations--hilarious!
This was fun - made me laugh out loud a few times. Loved the line about losing at hangman with herself. I liked that she figured out that she should stay single, but I think the ending was a bit rude - maybe just because of the 750 word limit.
08/26/09
Loved the title, the first paragraph, and the ending. Flint was a tool. Lol. I think the door slamming shut in his face was akin to her slapping herself in the forehead. A perfectly placed "Duh!" moment for the MC,and also a classic, non-sappy Jan finish. ;) Loved it.
08/27/09
Congratualtions, Jan!
I liked how the man's named changed from sentence to sentence.
Unpredictable ending!
08/31/09
Congratulations Jan, You really have tallent (but you don't need me to tell you that, you have 50 million others to do that lol.
What worked: Everything.
What didn't: Nothing.
How's that for a detailed critique. I tried and tried, but could not find anything at all wrong with it. Characterization was spot on. You capture the life and times of a single christian woman perfectly. I really loved the part where you outlined a perfect plan for God to consider only to realize he knows better( sounds very familiar to me even though I'm not a woman nor single). Absolutely loved it. Expand and send to an editor right away.
09/02/09
I love to be stunned, and surprised, either with humor or drama. This was a touch of both in a way. It made me want to write again. It's been a while, and this caught me up in the mystery of words on a page to unify us with our common humanity.
I am challenging myself to go back and read pieces I have not read. Yours are high on the list.

I liked this for many reasons. Love the descriptions. I wanted her to invite him in and take the sculpture, but that's because I'm that kind of person. The ending did work. Well done.