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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Adulthood (07/30/09)

TITLE: I'd Puke if I Got Clothes for Christmas
By Patricia Turner
08/01/09


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Come on in. I’m hidin’ out. Maybe they won’t find us here. Gramma’s house has lots’a neat places like this the grown-ups don’t know anything about ‘cause they’re too big to fit in most of ‘em anyway. I like it here at Christmas, don’t you?

Why am I hidin’ out? I’ve seen what they want me to be and I don’t wanna’. And they can’t make me!

It’s ok. I’ve got a package of cookies and some chips. I’ve also got some comic books, a set of Jax and a rubber ball we can play with. I’m real sorry, I already ate the apple. But we can hide out here for a long time. We can sneak back into the kitchen too. They’re too busy to notice.

All the grown-ups are doin’ is talkin’ and it’s so boring. Did you hear ‘em? The women just want to talk about cookin’ and neighbors and stuff. Yuk! And the men, even though there’s a football game on all they want to talk about is what the President and some people called con grassmen are doin’ and some other stuff I don’t get but it’s just as awful soundin’ as what the women are talkin’ about.

I saw uncle Frank open his Christmas present. He acted like clothes were ‘zactly what he wanted, but I know better. I’d puke if I got clothes for Christmas!

I know what happens. I know you get to be taller, but then you have to go someplace called “work”. I don’t know what “work” is but I know my Dad hates it. I can tell, ‘cause he just sits in front of the T.V. when he comes home. He never gets to pop wheelies on a bike, or mess around in a swimming pool, or play soccer or any fun stuff like that.

And he doesn’t get to make cookies with Mom. I can’t imagine anything more fun than makin’ cookies with her.

One thing I really like about cookies is that Mom says if you eat too many of ‘em it’ll stunt your growth. I’m all for that! I don’t wanna’ grow up!

I wonder if my Dad’s ever had any fun. He’s been a grown-up ever since I’ve known him.

My Mom’s real pretty and I’d marry her if I had to grow up and marry somebody. I told her that one time and she said she’s already married to Dad. I don’t know ‘zactly what “married” is, but it can’t be much fun. Sometimes I get to stay with Gramma and they go out on somethin’ called “dates”. I never see ‘em have any fun though. I hope they have fun on them “dates”, but I figure they just go shopping and stuff like that.

My mom keeps sayin’ I’m gonna’ grow up to be just like Dad. I mean, I know he’s a big important man and all, but hey, I’m a kid and kids get to have fun.

I don’t wanna’ grow up! And they can’t make me!


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This article has been read 478 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lisa Johnson 08/06/09
I love this...especially the line from your title...I laughed out loud! I can just see your MC "hiding out".
Great story!
Kaylee Blake 08/06/09
The title most definitely caught my eye and insisted that I read your story! I think you'll get a lot of reads because your title. I really enjoyed the MC's take on adulthood. Very realistic for a child. Great job, keep it up!
Arlene Showalter 08/06/09
this story is precious!
Seema Bagai 08/06/09
An enjoyable story. Loved the MCs voice.
Dan Blankenship 08/06/09
Once again, proof that southern slang wins these competitions. Most comments by the first readers are on this particular entry. I'm not a big fan of the "it sounds like Mark Twain wrote this so we have to praise it" line of thinking.

This is "definitely" a good entry, however, I don't think it is worthy of more than three times the amount of praises and responses as all the other entries.

Sorry, but that's just the way I am critiquing this entry; good, but too much emphasis on southern charm as the main draw here. Call me a Yankee if you must. LOL

Robyn Burke08/06/09
A fun read!
not sure I detected all that much of a southern accent- I got the impression you were going more for the voice of a youngster who drops some of his words in the front.
This was a nice peek into the adult world as seen through the eyes of a kid. I liked it!
Deborah Engle 08/11/09
Good job.
Ada Nett08/11/09
Very witty written from a little boy perspective...."con grassmen" made me laugh out loud!
Connie Dixon08/11/09
Great job, loved your POV. I could envision this as a true story. (I think it got lots of comments because it's good, not because it's "Mark Twain sounding".) Keep up the good work! (Loved the title)
Mona Purvis08/11/09
I know of no children who want clothes for presents. Enjoyed this very much.

mona
Mariane Holbrook08/11/09
That's quite a title, all right! LOL But don't get bogged down on little stuff in your writing. You did a good job and although "puke" is not my favorite word, I still loved your enry!
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/11/09
You definitely did a good job of getting a typical little boy's viewpoint across, and the title was a real attention grabber.
Catrina Bradley 08/11/09
Very cute! I adore the title and the child-voice. I had hidey places at Gramma's too. :)
Loren T. Lowery08/12/09
This kid's a lot smarter than I was at his age. Very observant and able to know his mind. I thoroughly enjoyed sharing his hiding place and his insights; and found it all very, very believable.
Laury Hubrich 08/12/09
I love your title and this honest little boy. Very good story;)
Sara Harricharan 08/12/09
LOL! What a cute title-and I like how it fits in with the story. The ending showed the MC's age fairly well and covered child-like mind with simple honesty. Good job!
Allen Stark08/13/09
Your story brings to the forefront of my mind something I've struggled with for years. That being, I am always being forced to act as a mature adult when my natural tendency is to be a child. And another thing...when I was a child we were very poor and we wore clothes made from feed sacks. We kids were excited to get store bought clothes.