The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/01/09
Too bad the birthday couldn't have continued on the way it happened. Talk about bumps in the road!

I got a little lost toward the biginning because of your long sentences. Maybe you could shorten them and leave out a few of the less important details that don't really add to the story.

Also, this seems a little off-topic to me other than it happened in the springtime.

Hope Jenny has a very long life ahead of her!