Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Adolescence/Teen Years (07/16/09)

TITLE: Infected Heart
By Debbie Roome
07/23/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Emily Jade Lancaster!”

Mom was working up to a full-blown rage.

“How dare you mutilate yourself like that?”

“It’s my body, Mom!” I popped my tongue out as an act of defiance, flaunting the silver-domed stud.

“Get out of my sight!”

She was trembling with fury so I stalked through the door. A torrent of words followed me down the passage.

“God knows I’ve done my best with you! I scraped that money together for your sixteenth and you disrespect me by doing this!”

I was quivering with anger myself. Mom was so old fashioned and nagged incessantly. “That skirt’s too short. Cover your midriff. Don’t think you’re going to that party.”

By 9pm I’d made a plan. Mom was normally asleep by 10 which gave me plenty of time to sneak out and catch the last train into the city. I popped my head around her door at 10:15 and heard tiny snores, rippling softly. At least one of us can sleep, I thought bitterly.

The next part of my plan was to raid her rainy-day fund. She kept this in a plastic bag, tucked behind the cake tins on the top shelf of the pantry. It was untouchable except in the case of emergency. I pulled it out, counted it by torchlight and with malicious glee, tucked it into my pocket.

I awoke the next morning to a haze of orange and beige tweed. The mattress was thin and the room smelled dank and sour. Still, the clerk had given me a cheap deal for a week and I had enough cash left for several days of food. I pressed the stud against the roof of my mouth, savouring the feel of hard metal. “I’m free.” I whispered.

The next few days passed in a blur. I kept my cell-phone off in case Mom tried to track me down and lived as I wanted. Pizza boxes stacked up and I went to bed at 2am and got up at noon. I tried half-heartedly to get a job but there were no vacancies at the malls or diners.

It was on the evening of day four that things took a turn for the worse. My tongue felt as though a million darts were stabbing it and my head ached. I tossed the TV remote on the bed and examined my face in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed and my tongue swollen and engorged.

I needed some pain pills. I pulled on a skimpy skirt and midriff top and plastered on some makeup to hide my rosy skin. The strip mall was only a few blocks away and I swallowed two tablets as soon as I’d paid for them. You’ll be fine, Emily. You just need a good night’s rest. I ignored the nausea and weakness that were increasing with every step.

The car loomed out of the darkness, a large late-model SUV. Confused, I paused as the window lowered and a man’s head appeared. He had chiselled features and a matt of gray hair. “Hey sweetheart.” He nodded towards the passenger seat.

With sick shame I realised he thought I was a prostitute. I broke into a run, stumbling over uneven sidewalks and piled-up litter until I barged into my dingy room. Tears streaming over flaming cheeks I pulled the outfit off and threw myself onto the bed.

I awoke a couple of hours later with my tongue distended and throbbing. Hands trembling, I carefully pulled the barbell apart and a stream of pus bubbled from the hole. Tissue in hand, I lay back on the bed, shaking as a picture filled my mind. Was this the state of my heart? Had I allowed myself to become infected with hate? Shame swept through me like a tsunami.

After an hour of thought, I pulled my cell-phone from my bag and switched it on. The in-box was full and I scrolled through the messages. Some were from friends but most were from Mom. The first few were angry but the rest tore at my heart.

I love you Emily. Please call and let me know you’re safe.

I’m sorry, Em. Come home. The money doesn’t matter.

I’m desperate to know you’re safe, Em. Please contact me.


I grabbed a fresh handful of tissues and dabbed the pus from my tongue. Then I did what I should have done four days earlier. I pushed speed-dial-one and waited for Mom to pick up on the other end.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 743 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Seema Bagai 07/24/09
Excellent writing and powerful emotions. Glad she came to her senses at the end.
Laury Hubrich 07/24/09
Your title is perfect for this piece. I'm so glad the girl had a change of heart. This dealt with a hard subject. You did very well.
Sharon Kane07/26/09
Powerful writing. I was expecting a tragic ending, and was pleased she came to her senses. The turn around was well done; not forced or rushed.
The one phrase I felt didn't fit was 'after an hour of thought'. That came over as too cool and calculating when the rest of the story was racing with adrenaline.
I loved the heart-rending messages from her mum and how they let Emily know the road home was still open. Great job all round.
Tallylah Monroe07/27/09
This was very vividly written. Incredible detail, almost to the point of being gross. Gross, but very effective. Well done!
Amy Michelle Wiley 07/27/09
Powerful story and sadly very real for many teens. I found the connection from her tongue to her angry heart to be a little forced and disconnected, but otherwise her transition seemed very realistic.
william price07/27/09
My, my there is no reason for me to be writing in the same category. Outstanding job. Crisp, polished and anointed. Great job. God bless.
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/30/09
This really is excellent writing, well worth EC placement. I was so glad the girl was making the choice that would make her and her mother happy.
Mona Purvis07/30/09
Debbie, your piece spoke volumes about the "bottom line" of being a teenager. You took the fluff away and exposed the reality. Just brilliant.
Mona
Carol Slider 07/30/09
Oh, this one's so real to me! When I was teaching at a community college, I had a student who got her tongue pierced. She got a terrible infection, and had to drop out of school. You described this girl's anguished journey SO vividly! Congratulations on your EC!!
Loren T. Lowery07/30/09
Powerful writing, Debbie, and so deserving of your placement in EC. Your ability to capture and show emotions is so evident.
Catrina Bradley 07/30/09
The description of the infection was almost too gross for me, but when I pictured my own infected heart, I realized how valid your use of "grossness" was. Great job - loved it. Congrats! :)