It’s time for another action-packed episode of Meet The Cooks! This episode begins with Joe and Linda Cook both asleep in their bed. Joe seems to be twitching uncontrollably beneath the bed sheets. That means it’s time to cue...
THE DREAM SEQUENCE!
Joe Cook (a.k.a. Captain Treehugger): “Put that down, Polluto! Don’t make me use my Eco-Vision on you!”
Polluto: “Don’t threaten me, Treehugger! One more step, and I will throw this laptop into this garbage bin. It will then be taken and thrown into a landfill to forever contaminate the soil with its lead based electronic components!”
Captain Treehugger: *Gasp* “You are pure evil!”
Polluto: “And your fly is unzipped! Are those Spongebob Squarepants boxers?”
Captain Treehugger: “Nice try, but I’m not falling for that trick! Prepare to face the wrath of nature!”
Captain Treehugger crosses his eyes, makes a funny fish face with his lips, and bends over as if he is going to lose his lunch on the pavement while staring directly at Polluto. Pink colored clematis plants begin to wrap around Polluto’s laptop wielding arms.
Polluto: “Nice try, but these puny plants will not stop me from contaminating the Earth!”
With strength the size of a circus midget, Polluto breaks free from the vines that ensnare him. He starts to drop the laptop.
Captain Treehugger: “Time for my backup plan. I have the EPA on speed dial. Let’s give em’ a call!”
Polluto: “Before you do that, let me introduce you to someone. Come on out, Son!”
A teenage boy teleports into the alley. His face is pale, and he looks as if he has been sucking on the exhaust of a car’s muffler.
Polluto: “Say hello to my child. His name is EmishSON! Get it? It’s like emission but it’s spelled a little bit differently and has the word ‘son’ in it. I crack myself up!”
Captain Treehugger: “Since when do you have a son, Polluto? He’s not the result of that fling you had with Patsy Summers back in high school is he? I warned you about that!”
Polluto: “This is much better than some secret son story, Treehugger. Take a close look at the boy.”
Captain Treehugger: Hmmmm…He looks like a combination of Linda and myself. He can also teleport. Kind of reminds me of my three-year-old son Dylan if he were a teenager…Oh my! I know what’s going on! This kid is from the local cyber café, and you borrowed his laptop to try and trick me into thinking that you were going to pollute the environment, huh?”
Seriously? And we trust this guy to defend our environment? No wonder the ozone is depleting!
EmishSON (a.k.a. Teenage Dylan Cook): Actually, I used to be your son.
Captain Treehugger: “DYLAN? NO WAY! You are still a toddler!”
Polluto: “You see Treehugger, I didn’t bring you here to watch me toss away a laptop! I wanted to introduce you to the newest face of planetary destruction! My son! Who is formerly your son! Who is now EmishSON!”
Captain Treehugger: Dy..Dy…Dylan! Why would you betray your mother and I?
EmishSON: “When I was three I wanted a Fisher Price Bubble Lawn Mower and you refused to buy me one. It left a deep scar on my emotions and sent me down a path of self-hatred and destruction.”
Polluto: “Simple Psychology 101 stuff. Go read a textbook, Treehugger. Sheesh!”
Excuse me! If you aren’t really going to throw that laptop away, can I have it? My Dell notebook fizzled out on me last month and it’s hard to go to night school without a working…
Polluto: “Zip it, narrator!”
EmishSON: “I’m sorry, Joe. You have left me no choice but to do THIS!”
*Kabammo!* <-----------The sound of Captain Treehugger receiving a roundhouse kick to the face by his teenage son. (Kids, don’t disrespect your parents like this in real life, ok?)
END THE DREAM SEQUENCE!
Linda Cook (a.k.a. Spyder the Ninja): “Joe! Wake up! You’re having a bad dream!”
Joe Cook: “Huh? Dylan wants a bubble lawn mower! I must go and buy him one!”
Linda Cook: “Relax, Dear. Dylan doesn’t need every toy he asks for. We don’t want him growing up to be a spoiled brat when he reaches his teenage years.”
Joe Cook: *Sigh* “I guess you’re right, but can you do me a favor, Baby?”
Linda Cook: “What’s that?”
Joe Cook: “Don’t ever teach Dylan how to execute your famous roundhouse kick to the face, ok?”
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