The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/09/05
What an interesting version of Jacob wrestling with God! I am always in awe of people who can adapt Biblical stories, well done.
Well written and creative take on the topic too! The line "His feelings of unease grew in step with the lengthening shadows" really hooked me. Nice work!
Gripping! It was a surprise, but a relief, to discover "peace" at the end of the wrestling match. :-)
08/10/05
Good re-tell of an old, old story. Great work!
08/10/05
Very nicely done! I enjoyed your storytelling. :)
08/10/05
Cleverly done and great descriptions.
08/11/05
Nicely retold to suit modern times. Clever and creative take on "retreat." Well done!
Blessings, Lynda
08/11/05
I didn't recognise the story until quite near the end. You had me gripped throughout! Well done!
08/11/05
Very, very good. Added understanding to an old story by telling it from a new perspective. Well done!
08/11/05
This was very unique -well written.
08/11/05
Very cool! You are a good story-teller.
08/12/05
Wow. Well done! I didn't realize what I was reading until near the end too, but it all made sense when I realized. Again ... wow.
Wow! I was so caught up in the story and the mounting tension that I too didn't recognise the story until almost the end. A masterful adaptation of a well-known Bible story and a creative approach to the topic. Well done.
08/13/05
I think this is a top 8 candidate. Well told "remake" of the old story. Excellent. But, I think it could have used one more rewrite. There were just a few slips. Little things, minor things that together detracted from the finished product. For example: Jake was thrown into the wall more than once. When we talk we say thrown into the wall" and our voice inflection says that we meant thrown against the wall.... not into it. When we read the words, however, the inflection isn't there to help. So, some will read thrown into the wall and for a brief instant will visualize a person inside of a wall. They'll eventually figure it out and move on, but it's that initial visual that's most important so we want to make it as smooth as possible. There were a few things like that troughout. Again, top 8 material here... just throwing in my 2 cents and it may not be worth that much!
I'm glad I read the others comments, because I hadn't quite realized the total meaning of the story. Now that I understand it, :-) I say, 'awesome!' Well written. You really did well in portraying the oppressive fear and other feelings.
08/15/05
His feelings of unease grew in step with the lengthening shadows.

I loved every word! Especially, loved that line. This is the best retell of that story that I have ever read. definitely a contender in my opinion.