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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Retreat (as in quiet time away) (08/01/05)
“A Haven Right at Home”


The fickle days of early spring are left behind as nature emerges in splendor. Beautifully green…everything growing and thriving…warm, breezy, humid, and still. Creation is fully awake.

The early morning in my sunroom is a gift. The day’s first light filters through the trees, casting shadows. Leaves dance in mellow whispers to the flute of the unseen wood thrush. Hungry finches, nuthatches, woodpeckers, and jays fly from tree to tree savoring sunflower seeds. Ruby-throats hum, attracted to the redness of the feeder. Felines stalk, bodies tense and unyielding with muscles taut, longing to spring. These bold and tiny creatures mock, knowing the glass wall offers protection. Baby birds chirp relentlessly while black-capped chickadees whistle.

White-tailed deer traverse a safe distance away, pleased with the abundance of food in the much kinder days of spring. Lavender lilacs bloom while the small pond gurgles, bubbling happily. Hostas spread in their shady home beneath the tall trees. Feathery ferns are the ground’s carpet. A lone jack-in-the-pulpit graces the deep woods. Serenity has a lovely face.

The cats now nap, stretching out seeking coolness…one still as a sphinx…another curled in the comfort of my lap. A short distance, yet worlds away, the calming presence of my husband’s voice is heard. Closing my eyes, I quietly thank the Lord for His gracious presence in our lives. Time has stopped, wrapping this cherished moment around me.

A breath later, an ovenbird breaks the peaceful dawn with his discordant cry of “teacher, teacher, teacher…” jarring me back to reality and the reminder that school and students await. Reluctantly, the warm solitude melts away even as the hammock outside beckons. Another time…I promise.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Sally Hanan
08/09/05
Nicely done. Perhaps the kids could sit still with you listening next time andthen write about it -if that's possible!
Beth Muehlhausen
08/10/05
Enjoyed your description. Loved the sense of available timelessness....
Debra Brand 
08/11/05
Good showing of your scene. Thanks for sharing.
Maxx .
08/13/05
Very very well crafted. I really like this. You catch the scene beautifully. I will only pick on one little thing (and it is minor)... we really don't know that the cats are longing. They may seem to be longing but we don't know for sure. Same with the deer being pleased. We can assume that but we don't know. It's a point of view thing. This piece is written from the author's POV. She doesn't know what is really going on inside the head of her cat or teh deer. She can see their actions.. and describe what she sees, that's all. The trick is to describe the actions so accurately that the reader will know that the cat is longing to jump without the author getting inside the cats head.

Just 2 cents... tkae it for what it's worth. Excellent descriptive skills displayed. Keep it up!
Shari Armstrong 
08/14/05
Lovely descriptions!