The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/08/05
Nicely done. Perhaps the kids could sit still with you listening next time andthen write about it -if that's possible!
Enjoyed your description. Loved the sense of available timelessness....
08/10/05
Good showing of your scene. Thanks for sharing.
08/13/05
Very very well crafted. I really like this. You catch the scene beautifully. I will only pick on one little thing (and it is minor)... we really don't know that the cats are longing. They may seem to be longing but we don't know for sure. Same with the deer being pleased. We can assume that but we don't know. It's a point of view thing. This piece is written from the author's POV. She doesn't know what is really going on inside the head of her cat or teh deer. She can see their actions.. and describe what she sees, that's all. The trick is to describe the actions so accurately that the reader will know that the cat is longing to jump without the author getting inside the cats head.

Just 2 cents... tkae it for what it's worth. Excellent descriptive skills displayed. Keep it up!
08/14/05
Lovely descriptions!