The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/09/09
Powerful and poignant moment, well-written. A story told with such a sensitive touch.
Beautiful descriptions, especially in the first paragraph.

This is a tender, timeless story. Well done.
Beautiful story. Your descriptions bring his memories to life, as well as his hopes.
07/15/09
The story is very sweet and I particularly love the sentence: "His weathered hand reaches out to hers, and miraculously he sees himself becoming young once more." I could really envision this.

I have sent some red ink suggestions to you via pm.

Good job and keep writing!.
07/15/09
Very well done, some excelletn descriptions and touches of character here. I love his last thoughts, it just fits him so well. Even though the ending is a touch sad, this story "works". Great job!
07/15/09
You begged for some suggestions ... I believe the last line might be stronger, if it simply read ..."“Let him rest, he’s home now.” No more than that.

Again, I loved this piece.
07/15/09
Loved the sensitivity here for the thoughts and feelings of the aged. Reminds me of my dad saying, "Keep a stiff upper lip!"

Nice read. A suggestion: too many commas. But that may be a personal thing.

What a wonderfully written story!
I was so wrapped up in your story, I didn't even notice the glitches. I love it.