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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Twilight Years of Life (07/02/09)

TITLE: No Sponge Bath For Me, Candy.
By Joshua Janoski


“Mr. Larson? Wake up, sleepy head! It’s nearly noon, and you haven’t taken your medicine.”

Milo Larson lay flat on his back. The cancer made it too painful for him to sleep on his side. Thankfully, military training had taught him how to sleep on a rock so he adjusted. He forced his eyelids open and focused on the ceiling above.

“Geez, Candy. There you go, always disturbing my dreams.”

That’s exactly what it was… a silly dream. Me and supermodel Heidi Klum sharing a caramel frappuccino together inside a Starbucks. That could never happen! I wouldn’t be seen inside a Starbucks. Four dollars for a cup of coffee? Ridiculous! And don’t give me that hippie stuff with ice in it! Coffee was meant to be drank hot and black! Besides, Erma looked waaaaaay sexier in a bikini than Heidi Klum!

Milo spread his toothless mouth wide open and yawned.

“Silly guy! My name isn’t Candy. It’s Kathleen. Somebody is getting forgetful. Have you been taking your Ginko Biloba, Mister? Tee hee!”

The truth is I never forget anything. I may be on my way to turning back to dust, but I am still sharp as a tack. I call my nurse “Candy,” because her platinum blonde hair and annoying giggle make me feel like I am being cared for by a stripper. You know, the kind who comes to your house for bachelor’s parties and such. Good thing I am a one gal kind of guy, otherwise I might take her up on her sponge bath offer.

With Kathleen’s help, Milo swung his legs over the side of the bed. The 85-year-old grabbed a yellow cup off his nightstand and opened it. He inserted the upper plate of his dentures into his mouth, followed by the lower plate. He smiled wide at the nurse.

“Nice smile, Mr. Larson. Looks like you’ve been brushing your teeth! Tee hee!”

I have to hand it to this girl. She can be funny at times, though her humor is more ditzy than it is clever.

“Candy, tell me something. You have assisted me for three months now, and I have yet to learn anything about you.”

“Mr. Larson, I prefer to keep my personal life separate from work. I don’t talk about private stuff with clients.”

“The first time you administered an enema to me you crossed over into my personal life! It’s only fair that I get to know more about you. Tell me, is there a man in your life?”

“A man? Try several. I prefer not to get attached to any ONE man. It’s fun going to clubs and meeting many different guys.”

“So sad! You might end up being one of those women who never finds true love and wanders around aimlessly being used and abused by one pretty-boy after another. See that picture on my dresser?”

“Yes. I’m assuming that lovely woman in the photo was your wife.”

“Not WAS! She still IS my wife! Erma died three years ago but I haven’t quit loving her. Spending your entire life with one person, through the good and the bad is more fulfilling than giving a piece of your heart to every individual that walks in and out of your life.”

As Kathleen helped Milo stand, a loud burst of gas emitted from his backside. Milo blushed.

“Whoops! Sorry about that. Seems that I have become gas-powered in my old age. Haha!”

Kathleen held her breath and smiled while walking Milo to the bathroom.

“I’ll never forget the time I switched Erma’s teeth with mine. She stuck them in her mouth and wondered why they didn’t fit right. She made an appointment to see our dentist before I fessed up. You never forget those moments! Your first date, first kiss, wedding day, the birth of your first child. Those memories stay with you. I may be nearing the end of my road but I led a happy existence. Each step brings me closer to reuniting with the love of my life and my God.

Kathleen walked silently and stood at the bathroom entrance. She contemplated what Milo said.

“Need help cleaning up, Mr. Larson? I can give you a sponge bath.”

What do you think, Dear? Should I take her up on her offer?

Milo pictured Erma standing there, smiling with his teeth in her mouth and shaking her head in disapproval.

“I think I’ll pass.”

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This article has been read 612 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jim McWhinnie 07/09/09
Frisky fellow, wasn't he?

As an old codger nearing those days, thanks for the shot of vigor.

Well done.
Patricia Turner07/13/09
Gotta love your MC's spunk! And his faith and words of wisdome even more. A nice piece of writing here.
Karlene Jacobsen07/13/09
I like Mr. Larson! He's the coolest!
Chely Roach07/13/09
Very cute story, Josh. The line about crossing the line with the enema made me snarf...I thought, "amen." Great job!
Shelley Ledfors 07/13/09
This is charming. I love your MC!
Patricia Herchenroether07/13/09
I love your mc and his sense of humor. That part about switching teeth-a riot!
Edmond Ng 07/14/09
Nice touch, Josh! Very interesting read with mild humor and vivid characterization.
Sonya Leigh07/16/09
Loved your story, Josh! As always, a great laugh...I can't wait to meet the FUNNY, FUNNY man behind the story...only a few more weeks!!!!
Leah Nichols 07/17/09
Nice job! I wondered if this was your entry....the title is typical Josh style. :) 750 words is not enough to cram in all that we want to say, eh? I liked your conclusion, though - the last line is perfect.
Gregory Kane07/17/09
What an outrageous character - at one level crude and sexist, on the other taking a forceful line on monogamy. An amazing contrast laced throughout with humour. Wow.