The Official Writing Challenge
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This was touching. I'm not sure how, but I related to Jodie in some way.
08/08/05
This was good. You have description, dialogue and good flow. With 750 words this needs to be a longer story to give you time to finish it well. In order to achieve that in this space, you could have cut out the parents' abandonment and focused on her brother's.
This really spoke to me, probably b/c I also have emotional abandonment issues from childhood. It seems Jodie is on a healing track, and this retreat is just one more step toward finding wholeness. Bravo for her courage and patience, and for heeding God's call: "There’s one in our congregation who struggles with abandonment. God is telling you it’s time to confront this issue. You’re a very busy person, but right now there is a gap in your schedule.’"
08/10/05
Good story, told well.
08/12/05
Well done, some of the conflicts were not pre defined, therefore confusion, but all in all a good attempt. Thanks.
08/13/05
Very strong writing skills here. This is a powerful setting and a well thought out scene. I think the main conflict needed to be introduced sooner and then resolved at the end. Instead we don't learn of the true issue until the last little bit. Definately great skill, though. Well refined style. :-)
08/14/05
I LOVE this title. And the image at the end of the nutritous and tasty fish cooking on the fire which is being fed by the tangible evidence of her bitterness, being completely obliterated, is beautiful.
Very nicely done! I like the refiner's fire theme- maybe would have woven it a bit more throughout- I liked the flashback style- so vivid!
08/14/05
A very heartfelt story. I think we all have some healing to do over different things. This shows a way to start that process.
08/15/05
I agree with the constructive comments made from other people but I also was drawn right in to the story. Could relate to her feeling. This story is one that I would take time to fine tune because it speaks to so many people and could be a tool for healing for some.
Well done. You have managed to capture the woman's feelings and describe her battle with depression without becoming morbid. Personally I would have also liked to have seen the abandonment by her parents omitted in favour of more space being given to the final resolution, although I recognise that this 'history' makes the brother's abandonment even more of an issue. This is one piece where the word limit inhibits the story. Would love to see it extended. God Bless.