The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
It's definitely in situations like this that people truly see the need for a savior. You did a good job getting into Jerry's head.

I found the dialogue a touch stilted. Try saying your dialogue aloud to see if it sounds natural.

Perfect title for this, and you did a nice job of characterization.
Great job showing the impact the body of Christ can have on an unbeliever. I just know Al's going to be OK! I was hooked at the first beautiful sentence, and the title is perfect. Nice story
Fantastic opening sentence with a startling twist thrown right in. Nice job.