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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Light and Dark (05/21/09)

TITLE: Never Abandoned
By Brenda Kern
05/28/09


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…the darkness is my closest friend.

Black, soft as moss.
This place is a fortress of ink, eyes are useless.
Abandoned by God.

Yes, that’s it, has to be.
A loving God, the One we know, couldn’t have done this,
wouldn’t have “allowed” this.

I’m trapped, unable to pray.

The shock of the news
has knocked the faith right out of me
and I exist only—-
no thinking, no feeling, no sensations.

No is the word of the moment.

No! It can’t be.
No! Not that.
No! Why me, why us?
No! I can’t stand it, I can’t go on.

Thoughts and feelings trying to inch their way back in
are firmly blocked.
So I can remain in the ebony numbness,
where it’s safer.

Is anywhere really safe, though?
It seems not.
Does God offer protective care to His own?
Not always, not for me.

Flee the painful thinking and dive
back down into the maelstrom, rinse and repeat.

This lean toward agnosticism shocks me anew.
I don’t acknowledge that God exists, and powerfully?
Really? After a lifetime of firmly rooted belief,
I fall away this quickly? In a moment?

If not, then I can foresee a long road ahead.
I must accept. I must forgive.
My heart heaves.
Oh, Father, I can’t!

Not without Your help, anyway.

Or…is that road too rocky?

Shall I remain nestled,
residing in this treasureless chest, buried in a cave,
at the bottom of the ocean of despair?

Potentially forever.

What a choice. Must I make it now, so quickly?
My life only just crashed, three breaths ago.
All my remaining faith amounts to half a molecule—-
can I, still blind, stir and reach toward

That faintest of a flicker
more a promise of vision than a sight
and grasp the only thing I truly need…

His hand?

Yes, I can, and then I do.

And the hateful, clingy darkness subsides.
Light, modest at first, then geometrically brightening
Fills me from within, and

I know whom I have believed.


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This article has been read 614 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Schultz 05/28/09
Powerful writing.
Laury Hubrich 05/29/09
I could feel the despair - been there.

Love this line, "Shall I remain nestled,
residing in this treasureless chest, buried in a cave,
at the bottom of the ocean of despair?

So been there, am there some moments.
Lollie Hofer 06/03/09
We know all the spiritually pat answers until it happens to us. And yes, when it does happen we do sometimes question God's purposes. God is sure enough of Himself that He can handle our doubts and anger and lack of faith. He also knows us enough to know that we'll find our way of the darkness. Well done! I admire anyone who can write good poetry without having it rhyme. You've given me a great example of what that looks like. I'll need to remember the name of your poem so I can reference when the time comes for me to give it a try.
Patricia Herchenroether06/03/09
This is very close to my heart, perfectly describing a deep depression. A powerful entry.
Rachel Rudd06/04/09
This is powerful. There are so many people that go through horrible things and this is so true of the despair. Very well-written!
Carol Slider 06/04/09
Such a powerful description of life's blackest moments! Very well done!
Myrna Noyes06/04/09
Oh, Wow!! Great entry, full of emotion and tension, but with such a hopeful, powerful ending! :)

My favorite part was this:
"Shall I remain nestled,
residing in this treasureless chest, buried in a cave,
at the bottom of the ocean of despair?"

Descriptive word choices throughout!

CONGRAULATIONS ON YOUR E.C.!!