The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/09
Tragic indeed! I was definitely pulled through this story, wondering what would happen.

It felt a tiny bit to me as if the toast was a contrivance to make this story of a dysfunctional family fit the topic.

Loved the fact that this boy had a church family who would take over for his parents.
06/02/09
You had my attention from the start. (Didn't quite understand the application of the preacher's scripture and mini-speech but then that was probably me. Will have to read it again.) You did a good job with the dramatic flair of the story.
06/03/09
Interesting writing - I like your style. Thanks!

Colin
06/03/09
I was glad to see that the Pastor was on hand ready to take care of this little boy. It was a bit of a "shocker" with the ending, but terribly, these things do happen! (You did have one comment about the plates breaking that gave some indication.)I thought more that the grandmother was going to be upset with Billy for being at church.
I liked the description of the "crime/news" scene. It "showed" well.
06/03/09
I was pulled in by your writing, deeper and deeper, as the story progressed to its tragic ending.
I was beamed into this great story until the end. The toast comment of the reporter put me off a bit; seemed to diminish the high quality of the rest of the piece. Well-written tragedy.