Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Light and Dark (05/21/09)

TITLE: We Share a Treasure
By Mona Purvis
05/24/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Soft light and plush carpets served to cushion the sobs of mourners as they filed past Carolyn to where her mother lay in a flower-covered coffin.

Funeral homes are designed to offer comfort to the living and respect and dignity to the deceased, the loved one. Such was the case as I watched my sister-in-law accept this final earthly chapter in the life she shared with her beloved mother. They were close, this mother and daughter.

Where is my mother? What about me? When will my mourning cease? I wanted to scream these thoughts to God. I wanted everyone present to hear my cry.

The woman who bore me sat stoically on the Duncan Phyfe sofa a few feet away from Carolyn. The sofa with its curved mahogany frame and sage-green chenille upholstery did nothing to reduce the tension. I sat not two feet away, a chasm between us.

Time was not on our side, this funeral proclaimed. My mother, at eighty-six was some years older than Carolyn's. Each of those years since my birth had dug the divide deeper and deeper until it was a bottomless pit.

I was still the little girl who heard her mother say she wished I was dead, she wished I had never been born, she hated me. Time doesn't heal all wounds, not wounds to the soul and spirit of abused little girls.

That little girl was the one seated beside the woman, not the adult who God in His mercy had lovingly carried all those lonely years. That little girl will never know the answer to this injustice; there is no answer.

There are many four-letter words wielding power; love is one, hate is another, but the word I use to describe this mother-daughter relationship is void. Like a voided check, never to be used, never to be cashed. Unfilled...invalid...empty...nothingness.

I put my arms around Carolyn and felt her pain flood over me. I don't begrudge her the treasure she has lost; she absorbed its value all her years and passed it on to another generation. It is a beautiful thing to witness.

I looked at the stranger seated on the sofa. The advanced years showed in her face and her movements. I sometimes see her when I look into a mirror. My mind wonders, What does she feel? Does she have regrets? Where did it all go so wrong?

No condemnation will come from me; I am not going to confront her. What good would that do now? The choice was truly hers alone, for whatever personal reasons I'll never know. This is a choice no child would ever make.

The little girl came with me as I walked out the door of the funeral home; she is never too far away. She is there even as I carry on the role of mother to my own daughter, but my daughter will never know her.

We share a treasure.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 527 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Patricia Herchenroether05/28/09
Lovely-thank you for your thoughtful piece. Glad the chain was broken; it doesn't always happen that way.
Jan Ackerson 05/29/09
Oh, how sad, and written with such honesty!

The only thing I wasn't clear on was the relationship between the narrator and Carolyn. I'll have to go back for a second read and see if I can pick it up.

Love the ending, with the narrator's precious daughter.
Janice Fitzpatrick05/29/09
How touching and sad. Lovely piece. I liked the narrator's voice and how the adult was in some ways a child, still hurting and vulnerable. Good job!!
Lollie Hofer 06/02/09
I like how you ended this sad story...that indeed the cycle was broken. I also liked your illustration for the word "void" in describing the mother-daughter relationship.

Colin Swann06/03/09
An emotive piece, written sensitively - very well done!!

Colin
Scarlett Farr 06/03/09
very very sad, especially since this does not appear (to me at least) to be a fictional character. You really brought the bleakness of the relationship to life.
Myrna Noyes06/03/09
Very well-told story! Your gifted use of words captured the pain of the woman (and the little girl within) so perfectly. My favorite paragraph was this:

"There are many four-letter words wielding power; love is one, hate is another, but the word I use to describe this mother-daughter relationship is void. Like a voided check, never to be used, never to be cashed. Unfilled...invalid...empty...nothingness."

Excellent job! :)

Rachel Rudd06/03/09
It's amazing that you could be so close to this topic and write it so objectively and beautifully. I agree with the other comment that I am glad to see that the chain has been broken! All God's best to you!
Sara Harricharan 06/03/09
so very sad, but really well written. Nice touch with how the title fits in with the story. Thanks for sharing this.
Catrina Bradley 06/03/09
The image of the little girl she carries around is SO good. I like that you didn't give this a happy ending with the estranged mother-daughter; makes it very real. Great job wringing emotional reaction from this reader. GREAT job!
Edmond Ng 06/03/09
A piece that stirs the heart to demonstrate God's overwhelming love within, flooding and overflowing to heal the hurt and remove the hate. It is a treasure well expressed we share in Jesus.
Chely Roach06/03/09
Wow, this was so raw; so real. Excellent.
Karlene Jacobsen 06/04/09
Excellent writing. Moving, touching, raw, evoking emotion in the depths of my own heart.