As I passed by the end table my shoulder bag brushed against a lamp and it crashed to the floor in a million pieces. The startled look on my mother's face suddenly turned to pain. This lamp was her pride and joy - a priceless heirloom that had been passed down from generation to generation.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mom, I didn't mean to....."
"That's okay, dear, " she said as she bent down and started picking up the larger pieces of glass on the carpet, "Accidents happen,. It could have happened to anyone." But I knew the real reason mother was bending down and picking up the pieces; she was trying to hidie her tears.
I wanted to die... or better yet, I wished I was dead and secretly cursed the day I was born.
This wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last. I often had these dark, so-called sinful thoughts.run through my mind. I had been a chronic goof-up since birth. I not only goofed up my own life, but my parents and children's lives as well, with decades of wrong turns and bad decisions, not to mention u-turns and detours that led me nowhere... except in circles or to a dead end.
Yes! It was Dead Ends and Cirlces for me, but a Light at the end of the tunnel for others.....so Yes, I've often wondered why I was born and Yes, you may gasp, be shocked, appalled or even raise an eyebrow, but Yes, once again...I've cursed the day I was born more than once.
"May the day of my birth desolve and vanish as if it never was, and make THAT day so dark that God above would not care about it anymore, and never shed a speck of light upon it again. I wish the darkness and deep shadows would claim it once more; and that a dark cloud would settle over it, and block out its light.
"On the night I was born, make the darkness seize it, and not allow it to be included among the days of the year or to be entered into any of the months of the calendar - and make its morning star go dark; and make that night wait in vain for daylight, and not allow the dawn to be seen - for that night the doors of the womb were not shut, which would have saved me from all the troubles I've seen.
"Why didn't I perish at birth, and die as I came into this world? For if I had, I would now be lying down in peace, asleep and at rest. Or why was I not hidden in the ground like a stillborn child, and be like an infant who never saw the light of day?
"I weep instead of eat, and my tears pour out like water, and what I feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, quietness, solace or rest... only turmoil."
Okay, so I'm finished with my cursing for the time being. Can you honestly say that this rendition of cursing ( a/k/a Lament). isn't nicely done and beautifully worded? Well, to tell the truth, I found in the Bible the story of a God-fearing, righteous man that also cursed the day he was born ( for different reasons of course), and I patterned my modern day "cursings" after his ancient version, by paraphrasing or semi-plagiarizing some of his wording. (Read his version in Job 3:)
And here's something else that may surprise you. God names only three righteous people in Ezekiel 14:14...and one of them just happens to be Job. Perhaps now you'll understand why I wrote so-called sinful thoughts in italics - because if God says Job is a righteous man....who am I to contradict the Almighty by saying that Job's thoughts about cursing the day he was born were "sinful"..
Not me !
When I meet Job in Heaven someday, I'm going to thank him for giving me a brilliant idea on how to tackle this weeks Topic of... "Dark and Light".
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