The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/09
Great pun in the title, and very entertaining re-telling of Genesis.

I don't think you needed to include the whole Scriptural texts; just a citation would have been fine.

Very good writing, especially the dialogue.
Like your title. A very nice telling of the story of the fall. I especially like the reference to the ascending sun and the judgement of darkness.

The voice you gave to the serpent reminds me of Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies = pressssioussss
I really enjoyed the dialogue; no doubt close to the real one. lol
06/03/09
A meaningful retelling of the sad story of the Fall. Well done.
06/03/09
I love Adam's talk with God in the first half - I could feel his love and adoration of his maker. And the second half made me mad at Eve all over again. Nice job!
06/03/09
Good piece showing what could have been said behind the scenes. You must have put a lot of effort into the comprehensive account.

Thanks - Colin
06/03/09
You have good mastery of the dialogue. Good use of contrasts in your story. It also was entertaining to read.
I really like this... great retelling.
06/03/09
oooh. Wonderful! I loved this retelling. The first have was wonderful though, the dialog with Adam and the Lord. Spot on! ^_^
Like the title. Creative. The dialogue between Adam and God was great. I enjoyed this retelling. Very creative.